rungirl's ramblings

Pain

2012-01-23T10:56:00.001-05:00

Pain. Why do I keep subjecting myself to pain? I’m not a masochist, I swear! I went to see the orthopaedic doctor today about my calf issues and I think one of my worst fears is about to be realized. I have strained both my calves where the muscle attaches to the tendons. I have always had tight calves so obviously my first question was why now? Well, apparently it is actually because I’m getting old. Awesome. The doctor explained that somewhere in the 35-39 year range our bodies change over from building muscle to losing muscle. Our bodies have to work harder to maintain what we have. Great. So now I’m digesting the fact that I’m old and my body is falling apart when I hear the real kicker…I can be running again in as little as 3 weeks. Good news. I need to go through 3 weeks of myofascial release and manual deep tissue work on my calves to break up the scar tissue and loosen the muscles. Not just bad news, it was ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME news?!?! I just about had an anxiety attack. I’m the person who won’t even let the massage therapist touch her calves because they are so sensitive. The thought of having deep tissue work done on them just about brought me to tears. As I’m driving back to work I started to think about all the things I have endured that could maybe make this a little more bearable. Child birth? Marathons? Half Ironmans? Heartbreak? Ugh. Then I thought, maybe I’ll just quit running. If I quit running I won’t need to get them fixed. I sat down at my desk, took a deep breath, and called to schedule my first appointment. At 7am tomorrow morning I am going to find out just how much pain I can handle…

The pool, swimming, running, and everything else

2012-01-16T19:53:00.010-05:00

I was out of the pool last year for almost 6 months last year due to an injury. Having a hiatus like that usually does one of two things ... you either lose your motivation or it gives you a whole new energy. In my case, all I wanted to do was get back in the pool!

Ironically, I am now spending way more time in the pool than I would like. I have injured my calf and can't seem to get it healed up. I am now running and swimming in the pool. And as the are the only two activities I'm able to do, I am spending all my time in the pool. My skin is dry and I smell like chlorine all the time. What did I say? All I wanted to do was get back in the pool? Be careful what you wish for.

I'm not sure what is worse, running in the pool or on the treadmill. BORING!! I can do it when I have to. I have cranked out 20 miles on the treadmill, twice. I'm sure I could do a 3 hour pool run if I absolutely HAD to. But I really don't WANT to. Luckily tonight, I had three kids in my lane that kept swimming beside me and asking me tons of questions. They kept me very entertained.

I am now 13 weeks from Boston. If I can't get healed up in the next two weeks I'm going to have to defer my entry until 2013. I refuse to run Boston on half ass training.

A few other things of note...
Two weeks into the year and I have been to yoga both weeks. I really like it. And not only do I like it but I can see how it will be very beneficial for me. Definitely keeping at it!

My Spanish is coming along. I have been able to master colors, numbers, foods, and some common phrases. I am still working on time and other household items. I'm pretty sure at this point any 5 year old that watches Dora the Explorer on a regular basis speaks better than I do.

And tomorrow my oldest turns 24. Where did time go?

Life Lessons from a 90 year old

2012-01-10T07:17:00.004-05:00

This was was read to me as the opening thought of my board meeting yesterday at the YMCA. After listening to it, I knew I had to come home, find it, and read it again. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Written by Regina Brett (90 years old) of The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more.”

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Looking back and looking ahead

2012-01-03T14:29:00.002-05:00

2012 … it’s here. I really hate the entire resolution buzz, but I find myself doing the same thing… sitting around reflecting on the last year of my life. Thinking about what went wrong, what went right, what I could do better, what I didn’t do that I should have done, what I didn’t do that I said I was going to do… and on and on and on….

Looking back…
2011 was quite a year. For starters, I turned (gulp) 40! Ugh! I’m not sure why the number was such a big deal to me but it was. I thought, I didn’t look any different (although I’m fully aware I keep looking older and older, but I didn’t look any different than I did when I was 39!). I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t act any different. All that happened was that I was officially in my 40s. I also moved into the “masters” division, which I find hilarious! One would think with the title of “master” you should instantly get faster, right?? My dad tried to convince me that my 40s would be the best time in my life. I thought he was just trying to make me feel better at the time but I’ve realized that he just may be right. I’m okay with being 40.

I had no triathlon season because of a shoulder injury. I was unable to swim or ride my bike. That left me with just running. I started my year on track and ran the Sugarloaf Marathon and successfully qualified for Boston again. After that, I went into a slump, a post-marathon whatever you want to call it and didn’t feel like running long, ever. At times I didn't feel like running at all! I did manage to run the Mt Washington Road Race in June, but that was about it. Late this summer my friend Laurie somehow convinced me to run the Philadelphia Marathon on 8 weeks of training. I thought she was crazy but it was exactly what I needed. I banged out those 8 weeks like nothing was ever wrong, lost 10 lbs, and felt amazing. Unfortunately, the race didn’t come out as planned but I was okay with it. I had my motivation back AND had a really fun road trip to Philly!

One of the highlights of my summer was hiking Mt Washington. I have wanted to complete this hike for two summers and finally in mid-September I did it. I had perfect weather … 70 at the bottom, 50 at the top, very little wind, and clear views most the way up. Hiking is just so exhilarating to me.

Things in my personal life were a little rocky at times. I won’t delve into the details but I will say that I learned this year that I absolutely do not have to put up with any bullshit and drama that complicates my life. Period.

Looking ahead …

2012 should be an interesting year all the way around. I have a few races that I’ve already signed up for, including Boston, but after that I am just going to let the year unfold and see how I feel. I did toss my name in the NYC Marathon entry. I have always wanted to run that race for fun and just take in the sights. I’ll find out later this spring if I got in.

I don’t make full on resolutions, but as I said earlier, I do like to reflect on things I think I could change. It is never anything major or life changing. I just try to incorporate things that I think would make my life – physically, mentally, and spiritually – better.

The things I would like to do more of … reading, yoga, hiking, and camping.

The things I would like to do less of … watching TV and drinking coffee. (yes, I said less coffee)

Something I keep saying I’m going to do but keep putting off … learn Spanish. This is the one thing I am committing to accomplish so stay tuned! I may be blogging in Spanish by year end.

And on the personal side … I will be keeping my life free of bullshit and drama. Life is too short and as my dad said, these are going to be the best times of my life…

Happy 2012!

Sugarloaf Marathon Race Report

2011-05-16T09:10:00.004-04:00

Sugarloaf Marathon 2011...

When I decided to run Sugarloaf I had a couple things in mind. 1) Force myself to create an endurance base and 2) Get another qualifying time for Boston. I did not include any speed work during this training cycle, just made sure I put in the miles. Going into the race I was feeling pretty good about my fitness.

When I woke up on race morning my stomach didn't feel that great. I'm sure it was nerves, but I had a hard time eating breakfast. I tried to put down some oatmeal but barely put a dent in it. Once I got to the start, I was feeling much better. It was drizzling out, but nothing major. I started with my rain jacket on with a plan to ditch it at mile 4, just trying to stay dry for awhile since the forecast was for rain the entire morning. I definitely didn't need the jacket because I got warm fast. And it really didn't matter because by the end of the race I was soaked from head to toe.

During the first part of the race, the mile markers were really off. I think the mile markers painted on the road were right, but then the signs weren't put in the same place. Sometimes they would put the mile marker at the water stop, which might be almost 40 secs before the actual mile marker. It was kind of frustrating since I was trying to monitor my pace in the beginning, but I just kept looking at the overall time to see where I was. After mile 10, the markers seem to be fine.

My goal for this race was 3:36, which is 8:15 pace.

Here we go ...

Mile 1 - 8:12
Mile 2 - 8:19
Mile 3 - 8:33 (not sure what happened here)
Mile 4&5 - 8:14 avg (this is one of the places the mile markers were off)
Mile 6 - 8:22
Miles 7-10 ... This is the start of the big uphill and again the mile markers were off so all I have is the total time over the four miles which averaged 8:28. I was really glad to be up over that hill, knowing that was it. It was mostly flat and downhill from that point on.
Mile 11 - 8:09
Mile 12 - 7:57
Mile 13 - 8:09
Mile 14 - 8:15
Mile 15 - 8:06
Mile 16 - 7:44
Mile 17 - 7:36
Mile 18 - 8:12
Mile 19 - 8:14
Mile 20 - 8:48 And this is where it happened. I knew it was going to be tough going from here to the finish. My splits just dropped a minute per mile.
Mile 21 - 9:09
Mile 22 - 9:12
Mile 23 - 9:13
Mile 24 - 9:23
Mile 25 to the finish I averaged 9:15

Finish time 3:42. I lost the 6 minutes in the last 6 miles, but I still got my BQ. Average pace 8:29.

Overall I was happy with my race. I am looking forward to a little recovery and then to start building on this endurance base.

I would like to say a HUGE thank you to Roger who ran course support for me the whole race. I think he appeared at least 6+ times during the race and I know I would not have made it through the last 4 miles as fast as I did if it wasn't for him constantly telling me to keep after it. I've never had anyone run support for me like that and it is amazing what a difference it makes!!

Next up Mt Washington.

Good news, bad news

2011-03-17T09:22:00.000-04:00

Good news, bad news. Bad news is always better to take if you have some good to go with it.

The first good news is that I successfully registered for the Beach to Beacon 10K. I was up early Tuesday morning, got all ready for work, set up my laptop and poured a full cup of coffee. I sat down at 6:55 and was prepared to be sitting there for at least 30 minutes like last year. Surprisingly, at 7am sharp I hit the register now button and by 7:03 I was in. Whew!

The second good news is that they drew my name in the lottery for the Mt Washington Road Race. This will be my second trek up the mountain and I am hoping to run much better than the first time. I have been incorporating many hills in my long runs already getting ready for the Sugarloaf marathon, so I just need to add some weekly hill repeats into the schedule from here on out.

The bad news is I went to OA this week to have my shoulder checked out. As I feared, I have a rotator cuff impingement. There will be no swimming for me for at least 6 weeks. There will be no Polar Bear Tri and no Peaks to Portland. I will just have to see how things go before I even think about signing up for any late season triathlons.

I’m being very positive about all this though. I’ve wanted to improve my running so this might just be my chance. With the extra time I have, I can really focus on just running. I should also have time to incorporate some strength work and maybe even some yoga to help with my flexibility. I would love to get back into the shape I was at the end of ’07 when I was setting PRs right and left…. And now I have the opportunity.

The ABCs...

2011-03-14T19:58:00.004-04:00

I decided to join in and give up the ABCs on me ...

Age: 39 ... for just a few weeks longer and no I don't want to talk about turning ... uh ...

Bed size: Queen

Chore you dislike: Dusting. I'd rather scrub a toilet than dust.

Dogs: I have had many in my life, but none currently.

Essential start to your day: Coffee. Period.

Favorite color: Blue

Gold or silver: Silver

Height: 5'8"

Instruments you play: Piano, Clarinet, Alto Clarinet, Alto Saxophone. I haven't played the last 3 since high school.

Job title: Business Insurance Agent

Kids: 2... girl, boy

Live: South Portland, ME. I love it.

Mom's name: Marilyn Kay

Nickname: I have several depending on who it is ... Bob (sister only!), Carlson (the guys at work), Donkey (my best friend).

Overnight hospital stay: Twice, to give birth.

Pet peeves: Laziness!! Example: When people wait for a parking spot when there is one available 4 spaces down. Or, hitting the handicap door opener when you're not handicapped.

Quote from a movie: I have so many I don't know where to start ...

Righty or lefty: Righty

Siblings: One. Dawn, sister that is 2 1/2 years older.

Time you wake up: Depends. Weekdays: if I'm working out 5:15, if I'm not 6:45. Weekends: Whenever I want, but if I have a big workout I'm up early.

Underwear: Victoria Secrets bikini, at least 90% of the time...

Vegetables you don't like: Peas, brussel sprouts, raw carrots.

What makes you run late: Not much.

X-rays you had: Collar bone (broken), Arm (broken), Finger (broken), Ankle (not broken), Kidneys, Lungs, Teeth.

Yummy food you make: I am a great cook and baker. Enchiladas, Homemade Mac & Cheese, Pie, Bread, Carmel-cinnamon rolls.

Zoo animal favorites: Zebras, because I'm fascinated that no zebra has the same stripes.

Well, there it is.

The long run

2011-03-12T16:59:00.003-05:00

Every time I take off for a long run I take a deep breath and think here we go. It's that the thought of once I take that first stride I know I'm not going to stop running for a long time. I never know how I am going to feel. A lot can happen during all those miles.

I think of longs runs as not only building endurance but also building mental toughness. Some longs feel great the whole way but more often than not I have a few moments where I don't feel good. I kind of drift in and out of "the zone." It's those moments when I'm out of the zone that I really have to think about what I'm doing. I had to do that today. I took off for a hilly 16 miler and the first two miles were just blah. Then at mile 3 I finally settled in and was going along great, felt like I was on cruise control. That is a great feeling. Just zoned out, listening to my music and clipping off the miles. Then all of a sudden around mile 11 or 12 I felt horrible. I struggled though that until about mile 14. Finally it passed and I felt great the rest of the way. Weird how that works. The run ended up being 16.7 and overall I felt good about it.

The other thing about long runs is how much stuff can go through your head and how much you can see while running. I took note today of how friendly all the runners were I met on the road. Everyone said good morning. I started to notice that a bunch of houses still had Christmas wreaths up. Once I saw the first one I started looking at all the houses and couldn't believe how many wreaths I saw. The SMR whizzed by me. Always cool to see the group ride come hauling ass down 77. Spring is around the corner if the group rides are back. I started thinking about what homework I had to do, the laundry I needed to get done. Then my mind started thinking food. Man I'm hungry! Started to think about what I was going to hog down post run. Unfortunately, I realized I was out of eggs which limited what I could fix and meant no pancakes. Ugh. Told myself to remember to go grocery shopping this weekend, which I still haven't done. Too bad you couldn't mentally record all the thoughts that went through your head.

I always forget some of the weird music I have on my play list. I've decided that I love running to the Black Eyed Peas. When one of their songs comes on it just gives me a pick up. All of a sudden today I had the Toby Keith song, Weed with Willie start playing. Wow, did I put that on my playlist? Anyway, it gave me a good laugh.

When I'm marathon training I always start thinking about what long runs I have left while I'm doing my long run. At this point I still have all my 20s to go. I'm pretty sure I should never think about that when I'm having an out of the zone moment!!

The best thing I thought this morning was how much I love running. My last marathon was Boston 09 and it feels really good to be marathon training again.

Roll with it ...

2011-03-06T14:40:00.002-05:00

If it's one thing I've learned from racing and training, it's you just have to roll with it. Whatever "it" is. Take it as it comes and make changes on the fly!

I've had to amend my race schedule for a few reasons. First race off the list was the MidWinter Classic. I waited too long to register and it had reached it's cap. Of course, that doesn't really matter anymore since the race never actually took place. The second race off my list was the Black Fly Tri weekend. My folks announced they are coming to visit so I can't really take off to race the whole weekend, can I? I have the Beach to Beacon on my list, but it is still TBD if I actually get in. I'll be disappointed if I don't.

My Peaks to Portland entry is now in question as well. About 6 weeks ago I started feeling something in my left shoulder. Pain at the bottom of my deltoid when I try to extend my arm. Every time I swim it aches. I have an appointment at OA to get it checked and am afraid to sign up for P2P until I know what's wrong.

I added the Polar Bear Triathlon to the schedule. And, last week I put my name in the lottery for the Mt Washington Road Race. I'll find out in a few weeks if I get in.

I should have the answer to all three races in question by months end, so stay tuned.

Here are a few things that I have been reminded of lately ...

1. Don't wear worn out shoes. I almost pushed it too long this time!
2. Stretching and rolling are essential. Period.
3. Eat. If you don't fuel you feel like shit during your workout.
4. Recovery. Recovery days and recovery nutrition.
5. You really don't get fat overnight. I swear I feel like it some days though!!

Why do I have to remind myself of these things over and over?

Next up, New Bedford Half Marathon.

2011 ...

2011-01-02T08:33:00.003-05:00

It's here ... 2011 ... another year underway! However, it's not starting exactly how I had imagined it. My training was going very well as I approached the end of 2010. I had a lot of consistency. My running was feeling great and my swimming was improving by leaps and bounds. I was even logging trainer time. Plus my weight was spot on. I had hit my goal weight.

Then, I made a trip to Texas to see my family the week after Thanksgiving. I completed my planned runs and found the local Y so I could swim too. I was so happy that i fit in my workouts while traveling and didn't gain any weight! Unfortunately it's all downhill from there ...

I came home sick. I felt it coming on Saturday and by the time my plane landed Sunday night I was sick! Sore throat, stuffed up, and coughing. By Tuesday I was at the Doctor, who told me all I had was a cold. Great. No Rx. Back to over the counter cold meds and cough drops. That cough lingered for weeks. In fact, I'm still coughing some. I was able to start working out again after two weeks. I got in some good workouts the week of Christmas. Things were coming around. I thought great, I can get back into it without too much fitness lost. THEN, Monday morning I did some shoveling. Nothing major but ended up straining my right exterior oblique muscle. As this week has progressed it got worse and by Thursday it hurt to just walk. I have now lost another week of training.

I started walking (yes you read that correct), walking on Friday. I can't do anything else. Walking is the only thing I can do to burn some calories. I am hoping to ride the trainer this week without too much pain. I think running is still another week away and I fear swimming is going to be on hold longer. I was also hoping to start Nordic skiing this weekend but obviously that is weeks out now too.

I am trying to remember that a few weeks off doesn't mean that I have lost ALL my fitness. And the 5 lbs I have now gained back will come off quite easily once I start working out again.

This injury caused me to miss my first planned race of 2011, the Hangover Classic. As I was out for my "walk" yesterday morning I was thinking was a great day it would have been to race and plunge in the ocean. Oh well. All I can do is I look forward. Here is my planned race schedule for 2011:

Mid Winter Classic 10-miler
New Bedford Half Marathon
Sugarloaf Marathon
Black Fly Tri Weekend
Peaks to Portland Swim
Beach to Beacon 10K
Wildman Duathlon
Lobsterman Triathlon
Colby Triathlon
Maine Half Marathon

My positive thought today ... 2011 can only get better from here. I'm off for my morning walk ...

Camp Ketcha 5K

2010-10-29T18:46:00.007-04:00

Do you ever just randomly go to some 5K that no one knows about? Some small dinky race that you've never heard about? They are a dime a dozen these days. Last Sunday morning I was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and not sleeping! Urgh. Sleeping in might have nice, but no. I finally decided that I might as well get up and go do something. A normal person would just get up and make coffee. Not me, I find some little 5K and go race.

Total field ... 65 runners.

I want to take a moment to talk about the 8 year old -(Jack)- that almost beat me. At the start of the race, this little guy took off like a bat out of hell. We've all seen it. Kids that take off in a sprint only to be seen walking on the side of the road before the first mile marker. I thought to myself there is no way he'll keep up the pace. The race started at Camp Ketcha, went down Route 77, down to Higgins Beach, and then back. I chased Jack all the way down to Higgins Beach. Gaining ground but still not catching him. The guy in front of me finally caught Jack right before the turn back on to 77. I saw him slow just long enough to say something to him. I kept running and finally caught him about a 1/2 mile from the finish. The first time I passed him he sped up. Really? I stayed right beside him, said a few encouraging words, then surged ahead of him. I ran in hard and finished 7 sec ahead of him.

I want to give a big shout out to Jack ... 8 years old ... running a 21 flat 5K. That is 6:46 pace. Amazing.

A few shots from the race, courtesy of Don Penta.

The start (that's Jack to my right, facing the wrong way and wearing a wig)

The finish

I ended up winning the race (well, overall female). Of course that's not hard to do when no one shows up! Finish time 20:53. I was happy because that was my fastest 5K this year. It is so much fun to be racing again!

What do you do with all this stuff?

2010-10-17T14:26:00.005-04:00

I was digging through the drawer with my swim stuff in it today and starting pulling out swim caps ... and kept pulling ... and kept pulling ...

Wow, I had 21 swim caps stuffed in that drawer. A few had seen their better days, which I promptly tossed in the trash. But what do I do with the rest?

That reminded me that I also have almost every bib from every race I have finished. Running, Triathlon, Duathlon, and I think just a couple Nordic Ski races.

I keep thinking that one of these days when I buy a house again I will use them to wallpaper my workout room. I know, go ahead and call me a geek but I have always thought it would be pretty cool.

I also have a box in the closet that is filled with medals, trophies, plaques, etc. that really don't mean anything to me. I do cherish some of my medals ... like both my Boston Marathon medals, the Mount Washington Road Race, my Half Ironmans, but the rest are just cheesy trophies from 5K and 10K road races. I actually tried to give these away! I called many local charities and none of them wanted them. I looked up some recycle places on-line but it would cost me a fortune just to ship the box. So, they just keep sitting in my closet.

To all my fellow running and tri friends, what do you do with all your stuff????

Tumbledown

2010-10-10T15:16:00.007-04:00

I went hiking again. So much fun! This time it was a little more challenging though. I headed to Tumbledown and hiked up Loop Trail and down Brook Trail. I had some issues heading up Loop as it is very steep and I am afraid of heights. I realized very quickly there was NO way I could go back down that trail. I made it to the top only to almost get blown off the mountain by some really strong winds. I didn't get to spend as much time at the top as I wanted. The hike down Brook was really easy. Then I had about a 1.25 mile walk back to my car. All in all it took 3 hours.

I really want to hike this again, when it's not windy, and not by myself next time. I would love to hike up there and pitch a tent by the pond during the summer!

I didn't take as many pics as last weekend, but here they are ...

I took this because I couldn't believe how big this rock was!

It was really wet. I tried to be careful, but ... oops! Good thing my hikers are waterproof.

That's where I'm headed.

The trail was mostly rocks. Lots and lots of rocks.

Again, the views were great.

I'm so glad I didn't have to run a half marathon today!

Maine Half Race Report

2010-10-04T09:32:00.000-04:00

Maine Marathon/Half Marathon day! It’s no secret that I love this race. I know last year I posted a history lesson on my participation in this race through the years. At the beginning of this year I had intentions of running the marathon, but my lack of training early season soon squashed that idea. I still wanted to run so I signed up for the half.

Again, coming into this race I was in no shape to actually race it, but I figured it would be a nice training run with a lot of company!

Being I wasn’t racing, I saw no harm in hiking on Saturday (see my previous post). So, Saturday morning I did a 3 hour hike. Saturday afternoon my back was getting tight and I was feeling it in my glutes and quads. Huh, that’s not ideal. I hit the ibuprofen, dug out my heating pad, and went to bed early. The heating pad did wonders for my back. Sunday morning I get up and am real tight in the quads but my back feels better. More ibuprofen.

Pre-race wasn’t really anything. I basically jogged from my car that was parked up by Sullivan Gym to the start. I then tried to stretch out my quads as best I could, but they were sore. Ugh. I try to position myself back a little at the start so I wouldn’t get caught up in the start of the race. National Anthem then we’re off. About two miles in I’m not feeling good. I’m tight and I’m sore and then the negative self talk starts. Can I quit? Yeah, I think I’ll just quit. I could just turn around and jog the two miles back to the start and be done with this. I keep having the conversation in my head and then I hit mile 3. My splits aren’t that bad. I thought I would just come out and run 8-8:15s, cover the distance, and log a nice long run. So far all my splits are sub 8.

Alright Robin, enough of the negative self talk. This is what you have been working to overcome the past two months!!!! Think positive, suck it up, and just run!!!! I tell myself right then there will be NO mile splits over 8 minutes. Not one. Here we go …

Mile 1 – 7.55
Mile 2 – 7.39
Mile 3 – 7.39
Mile 4 – 7.36
Mile 5 – 7.43
Mile 6 – 7.48
Mile 7 – 7.37
Mile 8 – 7.50
Mile 9 – 7.30
Mile 10 – 7.31
Mile 11 – 7.56 (that was cutting it a little too close!)
Mile 12 – 7.37
Mile 13 – 7.47
Last .1 - .45

Final time 1:40.59.

At the end of the day, I was very pleased with my efforts. Although I am paying for it! I hobbled around my house all afternoon and evening and my quads are still very sore this morning. BUT, the feeling of fighting through the negativity again makes it all worth it. Little by little I am fighting my way back to having that competitive mindset that I lost somewhere.

South Moat

2010-10-02T16:20:00.009-04:00

I love to hike. The past few years I haven't hiked as much as I would have liked. I told myself this year I was going to hike more. Today, I took a nice stroll up South Moat Mountain. 2.7 miles to the top.

It was a great hike! Steep and rocky in several places.

The streams were full because of the rain, which also made the rocky sections very slippery.

But the views from the top were amazing.

Colby Tri Race Report

2010-09-25T19:35:00.002-04:00

I love this race. I think I have blogged about it before, but it's the one race I hate to ever miss. I have raced it 4 out of the past 5 years (2006 I was injured) and have always done well. This is the reason I signed up even though I thought I wouldn't race this year. Just couldn't help myself. Which also led to racing last weekend too, but ....

Anyway ... I woke up this morning and proceeded as usual. Shower, coffee, breakfast, etc. I started to load up my car and when I walked outside I walked out to a temp of 66 degrees at 6:20 in the morning! Wow! Every year it is usually very chilly at Colby. Last year when I arrived at the race venue it was 39 ... no joke! I arrived at the race a little behind schedule. I pulled in at 8:10 and the race started at 9. Not much time to mess around. I grabbed all my stuff and headed down to pick up my bib. I get there and had left my USAT card in the car. Luckily they let me get my bib, get body marked, and set up transition before heading back up to get it. By the time I did all that is was almost 8:30. Pre-race meeting was at 8:45. I went for a quick run that included stopping at my car for the card. Then I quickly put on my wetsuit and headed down to the water. I managed to at least get in and get a feel for the water before they pulled us out.

This race is short and fast. The swim is only 400M so you can pretty much just go all out because you're not in the water long at all. There are only two waves, men and women. The men went off 3 minutes ahead of us. We started and I just swam as hard as I could. I hit the beach and then ran up the big hill to T1. I headed out on my bike and settled in fast. The bike is 14 miles. I passed quite a few men right off the bat. That's always fun. I passed one girl within the first few miles. I keep pedaling away, pushing hard. I passed a couple more girls and then it seems like I'm out on the bike all alone. This isn't a big race but I didn't see anyone for miles. I start thinking, am I that far behind that I can't catch the other women? (I'm used to coming out of the water pretty far back and usually pass more women). OR, did I come out of the water better than I realized - after all it was a short swim - and there was just no one to pass. I liked that thought better.

The run is an out and back and you see the runners as you come in off the bike. As I approach I see the turn around cone but no runners. I like it! I keep riding and soon I see the first male, which tells me I was in good position. Soon I see Erin, she was leading, but then Nicole was a close second and just flying! She quickly ran Erin down and ended up first female. I see another girl and then I knew I was in 4th. I came in off the bike and quickly headed out on the run. I still felt really good. As I approached the turn around cone, I saw the 3rd place girl but I knew she was too far ahead to catch. After I made the turn I saw the girl in 5th and realized she was too far back to be a threat. Relief. I ran it in hard finishing 4th female and 20th overall. Another solid performance at the Colby Tri.

Lobsterman Race Report

2010-09-21T07:26:00.003-04:00

So, my first tri of the season. I mentioned going in that I had a goal in mind, something realistic but that would push me. I had to be realistic as my longest workout of the year has only been around 90 minutes. I looked at my splits from 2008 and then how my training has been going and decided if I could go somewhere around 30 on the swim, 1:20 on the bike, and 48 on the run, I'd be happy. Add in transition and a little wiggle room and I'd finish under 2:45.

Race morning. I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off and flew out of bed. I was stoked. Did my regular stuff ... shower, eat, fix my water bottles, etc. I rechecked everything I had packed the night before to be sure I didn't forget anything and headed for Freeport. Pre-race was all normal. Got body marked, set up transition, etc. I went for a short run, stretched, then decided it was time to get the wetsuit and see just how cold the water was. All week talk has been flying about how cold the water was going to be. I get in and to my surprise it wasn't that bad. That was a relief!

The swim. The waves went off every 3 minutes and I was in wave 5, pink caps. I got a good position in the water and then pretty soon Andy the announcer goes GO GO GO GO! (Andy - I love his voice. He announces at so many races. It's almost a calming voice when I hit a race venue and hear him on the speaker.) Off we go. I told myself to say relaxed and just swim. One buoy at a time. I've had issues freaking out in the water before and just wanted to keep a positive attitude and stay relaxed this time. I managed to draft for awhile right off the bat, which was nice. First buoy down. Found someone else to draft on after the turn. Second buoy down. You made a slight left after this buoy and then the sun was in your eyes. Ugh. Somewhere between buoy two and three I had a few issues. I finally made the turn on the last buoy and headed in. At that point I just swam hard and wanted out of the water. I hit the beach and headed into T1. Swim time 32:18. I was a little wobbly getting my bike shoes on, but I hurried as fast as I could and made it out of T2 in 1:48.

The bike. I took off on the bike and wanted to be sure I kept spinning easy since I had to climb out of the park before I could really settle in and get after it. About 3 min into the bike I glance down and see my computer isn't working. Ugh. Now, this is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done ... without thinking I reach my hand down to see if I can hit the button on the side of the sensor. Yeah. I miss and my finger goes into the spokes. OMG! That hurt. And no, I didn't learn so I did it again only this time the sensor moved, hit my spokes and flew off into the ditch! Smart Carlson, real smart. And all for what? Still not sure why I was so worried about my computer. My finger was bleeding but nothing that bad. Alright, I need to focus. I settle in on the bike feeling good. I thought the bike traffic was crazy. Especially through the first half of the race. Way too many bikes!! I pushed through the bike, all the way to the end, and I felt great. I hit T2 with a bike split of 1:21:26. Not bad considering I refused to ride my bike for over 3 months in the beginning of the season. In and out of T2 in :56.

The run. Here we go. I had no idea how this would come out. Remember me saying that me longest workout was 90 min? I've now been racing close to 2 hours. I told myself not to think about that and just run. That first climb out of the park just sucks. There is no other way to put it. After getting past the first hill I started to settle in. I have no idea what my pace was, I just ran. The miles were clicking off and I was getting tired. I just kept telling myself to keep running. Don't quit You can do this. I had about 1.5 mi to go and I started to come apart. Ugh. I kept pushing. I know I slowed down on the last few hills before the final decent into the park. I just kept pushing. I was so happy to start the decent, then I saw the water appear on the right, and I knew I was almost done. Past the gatehouse and onto the dirt. I heard Andy announce my name ... that's always cool. Around that last bend and to the finish. I did manage to run down a girl in the last 100 yards. Run time 51:06.

My final time was 2:47:31, which put me 10th in my age group. I was happy. I felt like I had a great race, pushed through the whole thing, and never gave up. AND I had fun!!!!

Next weekend is the Colby Triathlon. I'm really looking forward to it!

First Triathlon of the Season

2010-09-16T08:41:00.005-04:00

Yes, my first triathlon of the season is this Saturday. It seems odd considering the season is basically over but I’m very excited. At the beginning of the season, I decided I didn’t want to race this year. As the summer went on, I started to get that feeling, desire, want … whatever you call it … to race again. I decided I would sign up for the Colby Triathlon since it is one of my favorites. So I started training, well, seriously training, training the way I SHOULD train if I’m going to race about 5 weeks ago.

Then, not long after, I find out that there are still about 100 spots left in the Lobsterman Triathlon. It took me all of about 10 minutes to sign up. I’m in no kind of shape to race the international distance, but decided it would be a great workout.

I am a little worried about the swim. I tweaked my left shoulder last week, no idea how, but it has kept me out of the pool for a week missing at least three workouts. Good thing it’s the shortest leg!!

I have been feeling really good on the bike. Last night I rode the Lobsterman course with a group from the Midcoast Tri Club. It was nice to familiarize myself with it again as the last time I raced the Lobsterman was 2008. I was kindly reminded of how hilly it is! After I rode I walked over to the boat launch where the swim start takes place. Isn’t the view amazing? I stood there looking out over the ocean remembering why I love this sport.

I’m ready for Saturday. I have a goal in mind. The goal is realistic given my fitness level and lack of training in the early summer but still doesn’t give any room to slack off! I’m ready for some pain!

On a side note to anyone who read my last post, I'm happy to say that I successfully took off 6 lbs to date. Hopefully I can shed a couple more before the Colby Tri on the 25th.

Looking forward to seeing all my tri friends on Saturday … game on.

Lazy weight ... yes, I'm currently reading lazy weight on the scale

2010-08-16T17:01:00.003-04:00

Okay, I’m admitting it ... I’m fat. Well, I’m not fat in the traditional sense, but as an athlete I feel like I’m flirting on the edge of obesity!!!! I am now paying for three months of summer pleasures. Apparently, I still fall within the “acceptable” guidelines for a female who is 5’8” tall. I can weigh anywhere between 126 and 154. Wow! That's almost a 30 lb. swing. And then there’s my BMI, which in my opinion is a completely useless number, but again falls within the “acceptable” guidelines. Bull shit. I am far from acceptable at the moment.

Statistics show that for every extra pound you carry your run pace slows 1-3 seconds per mile. The average person might say, “what’s a second?” Well, if I’m 10 lbs. over weight and I take the low side of 1 sec per mile, that’s 30 seconds added to my 5K time, a minute to my 10K time. Get the picture? A whole freaking minute. In a world where we kill ourselves on the track week after week to shave a few seconds off a PR, a minute is HUGE!

Alright ... deep breath ... again, deep breath ... I know I'm a little over the edge, but I needed to vent.

I know the number on the scale isn’t everything, but I totally admit that I weigh myself several times a week. I seem to swing between three zones ... 1) my lazy weight, 2) my normal training weight, and 3) my prime race weight. I don’t get to #3 often but I LOVE how it feels. Absolutely LOVE how it feels!!

The span between #1 and #3 is only about 10-12 lb. but, I can feel the difference. My coach once said to me, “I want you to carry a five lb. weight in each hand and go run 3 miles. Then, go run another 3 miles without them. Come back and tell me how it felt.” I didn’t actually do it, but I got the point.

I know what it takes to be at prime race weight, but damn it’s a tough road. At least it is for me. I find as I get older, now knocking on the door of being 40 -(UGH, that sounds old. Me turning 40 is a whole other post, maybe several!!)- it gets tougher. I know it's possible though. I sit back and look at some of the top athletes in Maine that are in their 40s and they look damn good. Some of it’s genetics but a lot of it is dedication to their sport.

I know what I need to do. I guess I should stop venting, get over myself, and get with it ...

Off to Alaska

2010-08-12T14:55:00.007-04:00

Sunday morning I was on a plane headed for Alaska. My second trip out to the see the family. I wish the trip wasn't so long, but it is so worth it once I get here. And here's why ...

Audrey

And Hannah

And Morgan

I am enjoying every minute with my girls!

I am taking time to run everyday. I have no access to a pool, nor do I have a bike, so running it is. They have these paths along the roads that go forever. I think what they are really for is the four wheelers and snowmobiles. I don't see a lot of people running or walking.

Notice how close the woods are to this path. Yesterday on my run I had a moose encounter. Yes, it's cool to see a moose but it's a little too close for my taste. After that I was scanning the woods for the rest of my run waiting for a moose to jump out in front of me.

I have also taken time to walk Giddy every day. I think he likes it. Check out this smile.

Only three more days, time goes too fast.

I'm still here ... I think ...

2010-08-02T19:34:00.008-04:00

It has been brought to my attention that I have been MIA lately. My answer is yes... yes I have. First up, I need to report my last two races.

On June 6th I ran the EX2adventures 10K off road race. The venue was gorgeous, taking place in Prince William State Park in VA. The temps were close to 85 with about 90% humidity. Ugh. We ran about a half a mile on the road then headed out onto the trails. The course was beautiful but far from easy. There were a lot of hills, long hills. I felt pretty good through most of the race but was definitely fatigued at the end. The final section of the race was a nice long climb to the finish line. I ended up 5th in my AG and 26th OA (men and women). My time, 56:30. No, that is not a typo. The winning woman ran a 50:04, which kind of puts the course in perspective.

The finish

My 5th place glass

Me and my sis after it's all over

Next up was the Portland Sea Dogs Father's Day 5K. I am the race director of this race so running is never really a good idea since I spend all my energy making sure everything goes off without any issues. I also was fighting some stupid cold/cough thing. I hate making excuses, but I definitely wasn't 100% that day. I was hoping to finish under 21 and ran a 22:01. Not exactly anything to write home about. My only claim to fame that day was going into a coughing frenzy after the race and puking at the base of the stairs by the visitors locker room. :)

My summer has continued like this ... training, not training. Training, not training. Motivation, no motivation. Motivation, no motivation. I have been having fun though. A lot fun just living life. There has been no training schedule ... just a run here and a swim there. I have had a lot of good times this summer BUT, that doesn't seem to be working for the long haul. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like my lack of energy. I don't like how I am getting all squishy around the edges. Yuck!!

After chatting with a fellow tri buddy, I told him that I think what I need is a training partner. Someone I can train with, have fun, and also have a healthy competition with. I think what I need is a Turner-Durgin-Brackett type training partner. Yup.

I am still thinking about signing up for the Colby Tri. Anyone else out there heading to Colby?

Race Reports - Run for the Roses and Sugarloaf 15K

2010-05-17T09:35:00.003-04:00

I raced twice last week. I know you probably shouldn't race twice in one week but I counted the first as my speed workout. I also feel like I need a steady dose of road races to help with my mental toughness. I need to constantly be reminded what it feels like to hurt … to be outside that comfort zone.

On Wednesday, I headed south to Salisbury MA to run an all women’s 5K, Run for the Roses. It was a last minute decision … and a good one. I met up with one of my good friends and we warmed up together. The race started on the road, then headed onto a trail within a few seconds. We ran the trail for a little over a mile, then back on the road for less than a mile, then back on the trail to the finish. It was a good course, although I always think the trail part slows you down. I ended up finishing 8th with a 20:58.

On Sunday, I raced my first Sugarloaf 15K. What a great race. Not only would I do the 15K again, but I now I want to tackle that marathon! The course was beautiful.
My long runs right now are just hitting the 12 mile mark so racing a 15K seemed iffy. I decided that if I could run 7:30s and come in at 1:10 I would be happy. Of course on race morning, I started to doubt if I could hold that pace. I warmed up, did some strides, and headed to the start. I had been told that this race takes off fast so I was ready for that and told myself not to go out too hard. The first 1.1 (the race starts .1 of a mile before the 17 mile marker) was 7.52, followed by 7.20, 7.25, 7.29, 7.26, 7.26, 7.19. I’m not sure what happened but somewhere between mile seven and eight I started to feel really bad. I worked through it but posted an 8.08 split. I was not happy with that at all. I was able to pick the pace back up and clocked at 8.47 for the last 1.2 miles, which is 7.19 pace. Finish time was 1.09.18. That was good enough for an 14th place finish and 2nd in my age group. I was very happy with the outcome.

Not only does racing teach me how to hurt, but it makes me want to train harder.

Next up … 10K trail race at Prince William State Park in VA.

Hannah Grace ... in photos ...

2010-04-28T08:26:00.013-04:00

Some old favorites

Looking angelic

Looking serious

And being really happy

She just makes me smile!

Running and moving ...

2010-04-26T19:08:00.003-04:00

I've been delinquent in blogging because I've been busy! I recently moved, not far, but to a new place. Moving can completely suck ... packing, boxes, more packing, more boxes, etc. All the phone calls to transfer your electric, gas, cable, etc. Sending a change of address to everyone who needs it; although this has become easier now that you can do most of them on-line. And then there's unpacking, let's not forget that. This can be good and bad ... it's tedious, but at least everything is clean and organized ... at least for awhile. Even the "junk" drawer in the kitchen is organized with, well, junk!

One of my favorite things about moving is finding new running routes. I have already found my favorite go to run. It takes under a hour, just shy of 7 miles. I can see it being my favorite loop, well, it already is. I have figured out how long it takes to get to the closest track. I need to work on the loop getting there as my first attempt was not enough warm-up, but found a good route home that won't kill me after a hard track workout. I'm still working on the long run, but I'll figure it out.

The other thing I like is finding my morning regulars. So far there is the guy at the bus stop. He's there every morning, coffee in hand, waiting for the bus. We exchange good mornings. Then there is the guy in the blue jacket (well, that will probably change with the seasons, but hey, I've only been here 3 weeks), that walks every morning. I catch him at different spots depending on how early, or late, I head out. I have spotted a "runner" on my favorite route. He looks to be in good shape and runs the opposite direction as me so we usually pass each other twice. I'm still taking in all the dog walkers.

The best part of my new running routes is being able to watch the sun rise over the ocean. I've seen some absolutely beautiful sunrises on my morning runs. Sometimes I just want to stop and take it in.

On a side note, I went to Boston last Monday to watch the marathon. I love the Boston Marathon. I'm not sure how many years I've watched it now, but I love watching the runners ... not as much as I love running it, but if I can't run I want to be there watching.

I want to give a big shout out to the following girls ...

Jeanne went 3:15
Laurie went 3:16 (PR for her!!)
Ann went 3:35

Hopefully I'll be back in 2011. Bring on the running season. Next up, Sugarloaf 15K ...

New chapters

2010-04-04T10:54:00.008-04:00

I look at my life and think of it as chapters in a book. I've come to the conclusion that my life is writing a novel that may be quite lengthy, as it is already comprised of many chapters. Some chapters have begun by choice and others by necessity. Just a few that come to mind are-

When I had my first child ...
When I got married ...
When I moved away from home/family ...
When I got divorced ...
When I decided to get healthy and start running ...
When I decided to go back to grad school ...
When my kids left home ...

As I look at these chapters, I realize that perspective is a really important factor. Most of my life I have only understood by looking back, after I had experienced it. In the moment, I had little perspective. That reminds me of the saying, "Life must be lived forwards but only understood backwards." There is a lot of truth in that statement.

Some of these chapters I want to read over and over, some I want to use as a reference tool, and some I want to forget entirely. In the end, these are the chapters that make up my life. They are the experiences that have made me who I am today ... good and bad. I've learned that it is important to know the difference between the good and bad.

Someone used to say to me, "It's never to late to start your day over." Well. I believe it's never too late to start a new chapter. So, I am embarking on a new chapter now. This one by choice. I think it's going to be a good chapter ... one I may want to read over and over.

Spring fever

2010-03-20T14:13:00.002-04:00

I officially have spring fever. 68 degrees today in Portland. I took my bike on the road for the first time this spring. It is always the best feeling. Being unhooked from the trainer ... free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last! All those things we miss being on our trainer...

1. Wind. Sometimes good sometimes bad.
2. Real hills. Not simulated hill climbs, but real hills.
3. Downhills. Oh, you mean I can actually rest for a moment? Something you never get on the trainer!!
4. Other bikers to chase down. Always fun to see bikers ahead of you and try to reel them in.
5. Traffic. This would be the negative. I was reminded today of how stupid drivers can be. Yes I said stupid! I actually have some others words but I will refrain. When you're the one on the bike you can call the people who don't share the road anything you want.
6. Bricks. The ability to do brick workouts, ummm, bricks that I like. I hate winter brick workouts. Trying to get out of your sweaty bike clothes - and being on your trainer they are definitely sweaty - and into winter running clothes just sucks! Not too mention your hair is wet/sweaty so you freeze when you head out.

I'm sure there is more but that's what comes to mind. Being out on the road is just a different feeling and to me it's motivating!

Spring also means less laundry. It is so nice when a run only produces a pair of shorts, maybe a shirt, sports bra, and socks. A run in the winter produces a whole load in itself!!

I think we have snow in the forecast this coming week. I want to say, seriously WTF? I wanted snow all winter and didn't get it and now I want warm temps and sunshine and they say snow. Whatever ... I know spring is just around the corner...

Me and Mt. Washington

2010-03-08T21:26:00.007-05:00

Me and Mt. Washington, we have a history. My first experience with Mt Washington was driving to the top with my family. I remember it well. It seemed exciting at first, but then we were above the tree line and it wasn't so fun anymore. I am afraid of heights. I was sure we were going to go off the road and our mini-van was going to roll and roll and roll and take me to my death. No, I'm not exaggerating. I unfortunately had the same experience years earlier driving in Rocky Mountain National Park. We finally made it to the top and was relieved to be out of the vehicle! We walked around and did our thing. But then, I knew I had to get back in the vehicle to drive back down. I can't do this! I ended up laying flat in the back of the van so I couldn't see out the windows. As I'm laying there I'm thinking ... I'm never doing this again.

2007, I decide to put my name in the Mt Washington Road Race lottery. I thought any "true" runner should have this on their resume. 7.6 miles, 6288 feet in elevation, 11.5% average grade. That sounds fun, right?

When the list came out my name was on it. Wow. I really have to run up that mountain now. Gulp. I wasn't sure how to train. I did a lot of hill repeats and continuous uphill runs on the treadmill. I didn't do it right. It did not prepare me for the race. I was told that my finish time for the 7.6 miles should be equal to my half marathon time; or at least close. I thought I would finish around 1:40. Final time was 1:49. not even close. I can't even tell you how hard this race was for me. It was a very warm day and the skies were clear. Every time I looked up all I could see was the road ahead of me winding upward with no end. When I finally reached the top and crossed the line I just lost it. A nice volunteer put a medal around my neck and I walked off by myself in tears. It was that feeling of complete and utter exhaustion. I said to myself ... I will never do this again.

2008, I sign up for the Ski to the Clouds. This is advertised at the "North America's Toughest 10K."

I can't ski. Seriously. This is only my second winter of Nordic skiing and I'm not good. I mean I'm really not good! I'm still not sure why I signed up. I show up the day before the race and pick up my bib. The nice lady asks if I have packed my warm clothes bag. I say no, I'm not sure what to put in it. She says well, you probably need an extra top layer and maybe dry gloves to stay warm while you ski down. Uh..... WHAT???? I say, we have to ski down? She asks if that is a problem and I say no. Remember my fear of heights earlier? Yeah, skiing downhill is kind of like driving down for me. I have no doubt that I will fall to my death. I guess I'll worry about that later.

So, race morning comes and I have no idea what I'm doing. I warm up a little and try not to get nervous. My goal: to finish and not come in dead last. Some goal huh? Well, this was realistic. The race starts and we ski 4K through the trails and then we turn to ski 6K straight up the auto road. I never thought I was going to finish. I was having flashbacks to when I ran up! The faster skiers who had finished were skiing down and yelling nice job ... you're doing great... etc. Wow, I was a back of the packer. I know I'm getting close to the finish and I see this guy with a radio. I could tell he was reporting back to the finish line. I asked him, how far? He answers a half mile. Then I ask, am I last? He says no, there is one guy behind you. OMG, I wasn't last! I reach the finish which is two women with a stopwatch, the snow cat parked on the side of the road with my warm clothes and some water. No people. No other skiers. That was it. I put on my clothes, grabbed some water, and headed down. All I'm going to say is that I think it took me just as long to ski down as it did to ski up. Get the picture? When I arrived at the lodge the award ceremony was over and almost everyone was gone. I did look at the results. There was one sixty something year old man that finished behind me, but I was the last female. I packed up my stuff and headed back to my friends house to shower. When I walked in I said ... I will never do this again!

Are you seeing the pattern here?

Well, I just put my name in the lottery for the 2010 Mt Washington Road Race. Do I ever learn? Stayed tuned to see if I get in ...

Laughing is good for soul ...

2010-03-01T21:12:00.001-05:00

So I know I'm way too amused by all these videos on YouTube ... but I thought I would share to give my girls who have been grouchy and down a laugh. Best line ... "Have you seen my hot ass?" Oh the perks of being a runner!

Changing up 2010

2010-02-11T06:59:00.002-05:00

A few changes to my 2010 triathlon season have occurred. The first, I am now a member of the Midcoast Triathlon Club. I'm excited about joining the team and being able to train and race with my fellow teammates. I ordered my new tri top yesterday. I'll be anxious to see what they look like.

Second, my race schedule has been changed ...

Polar Bear Tri - May 8th
Pirate Tri - June 13
Black Fly Tri Weekend - July 9-11
Beach to Beacon 10K - August 7
Fireman Tri - August 29 (this is a maybe)
Lobsterman Tri - September 18
Colby Tri - September 25
Maine Marathon - October 3

You will notice that my A race is gone. Yup. I know that is going shock a few of you. This was a decision made for personal reasons and not an easy one. Luckily my family was very supportive and understanding. My IM dreams are going to have to wait for another year and I'm okay with that. At least I am now... it took a bit to digest it. In the meantime, I plan on having a lot of fun this season and kicking some serious short course ass!!!!

Luckily my ankle seems to be healed up. Not 100% but close. My training is going well and I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I have few people joining me in the pool on Mondays & Fridays and a hoping to start running more with Ann.

So .... new teammates and new training partners. Safety in numbers! Counting down to the first tri of the season.

No one said this would be easy ...

2010-02-01T18:41:00.003-05:00

Nothing is easy. Well, maybe sometimes, but overall ... not really. Everything you want to succeed at takes work, dedication, determination, motivation, and perseverance. Whether it be in life, at work, in relationships, in athletics, in school ... if the bar is set high and you have goals to reach, it's not going to be easy.

I started thinking about this tonight during my bike workout. I was doing a ladder workout ... every 2 minutes shift up and up and up ... I just shifted up for the last time and my legs were really feeling it and I was breathing hard and I started to think ... yeah, no one said this would be easy. I almost laughed out loud. Yeah, we do this on purpose.

After my shower, I cracked open my books for my MBA class to be sure I had all my homework done for tomorrow.

After that I was looking at my work calendar to see what I had going on and when and trying to be sure I knew where all my workouts would fit in.

Last week I spent 3 days in an insurance class and then took a 20 page, hand written essay exam at 8am on Saturday morning. I am doing this to obtain a professional designation. This was test 3 of 5. As I walked out of the test room I text my best friend the following ... "Fucking brutal. Why do I have to be so career driven? I think I'll become a ditch digger ... "

Well, obviously that's not going to happen but my point is some of this is self-induced. I don't have to try to excel at work. I don't have to get my masters degree. I don't have to be a triathlete. I don't have to do an ironman. I think you get the drift.

Now, let's skip to the part we don't have control over. Or at least little control. All of this started me thinking about the rest of my life. I never planned on being divorced. I never planned on being a single mom. I guess you could say that these were choices. I chose to have my children. I chose to get married and divorced. But these are the choices that you really have no idea what the outcome will be. OR how they might effect the rest of your life.

At any rate, we work hard sometimes out of choice and we work hard sometimes out of necessity. I just do what I need to do and I do what makes me happy. But no one ever said that would be easy ... and let me tell you it's not!!

23 weeks...

2010-01-17T13:38:00.003-05:00

Yes, 23 weeks until my first IM. Wow. Every week that goes by makes it more and more real. I look ahead at my training and take a deep breath.

I have a mixed bag of emotions that run from excited to anxious to scared to confident. Some days I get excited and have that feeling I KNOW I can do this. Some days I start thinking about the distance and get a pit in my stomach. I'm sure this will continue for awhile. I'm hoping that by the time I step to the start line it will be a feeling of confidence, but also keeping a very healthy respect for the distance.

I am getting ready to swim bike and run more than I ever have in my life.

This is going to be one hell of journey.

Sickness and Injury

2010-01-11T17:06:00.002-05:00

Sickness and injuries are an athlete's worst nightmare. I've had my share of both. I started with shin splints as a beginning runner. This is something that plagued me through my entire basketball career. It took a few years to learn how to deal with that. Then I moved onto some serious hip/IT issues that took me out for the entire 2006 season. I remember when I finally gave in to seek treatment. I was up really early that day and running with the PR Racing team for the Relay For Life. I did my six miles on the track and then a bunch of us headed to Mechanic Falls to run the Pottle Hill 10K. After the race I was trying to get in my car and had to physically pick up my left leg to get it in the car. I learned from that episode not to wait so long before calling my PT! That hip/IT issue has become somewhat chronic but I am learning how to deal with it and can see, or better yet feel, the early warning signs.

Let's not forget the winter I fell on the ice and broke my arm. I remember asking the ER doctor if I could still run. He laughed and said if you can stand the pain, sure. I soon learned why he laughed and didn't run for 2 weeks. I'm sure I looked really awkward running with a cast that held my arm at a 90 deg angle. More recently, my spill over the handlebars at the 2009 Mooseman that left me with a broken finger. A broken finger seems minor but let me tell you, any broken bone hurts. Again, I got some crazy looks swimming in the pool with my cast. Talk about fitting the Nemo nickname! And trying to get my wetsuit back off over the cast took 3 people!

Sickness. Yes, I have trained and race through some tough times. I remember getting sick the week before the MidWinter Classic one year. I hadn't slept well for 3 nights and then decided I would race anyway. I actually had a great race, I'm not sure how, but then got even sicker for a week after. Hell, it's worth it right? Then a few years ago I caught what I would like to call the death plague. I had the flu so bad it landed me in the emergency room and I was put on bed rest for a week! About 10 days later I tried to go to spin class and almost passed out on my bike. Okay, so maybe that was a little too soon. 2 weeks after that I decided to race the New Bedford Half. I made it through and then went into a coughing frenzy at the finish line until I started dry heaving. Lovely sight.

And the whole reason for this post is that I got sick last Thursday. I woke up with a scratchy throat and was sneezing all day. Friday morning I woke up with the full blown cold. Sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose, and absolutely no energy. It continued all day Saturday and into Sunday. I missed an entire weekend of training! This morning I felt better. I thought I might just be able to hit the pool after work to test how I felt. BUT THEN, I fell down my outside stairs. I live on the second floor so I walk down a flight of stairs everyday. I walk out the door carrying my purse, my lunch bag, a bag of returnables to leave by the dumpster for the homeless man, and my coffee. I'm probably five steps from the end and I have no idea what happened. I think I caught the heel of my boot maybe, but start to fall, I try to catch myself, took a step, rolled my ankle, and then fell forward down the other four stairs onto the landing. Of course the first thing you do when you get up is look around to see if anyone saw this! Then I took inventory ... scraped shin, sore ankle, spilled coffee ... I think I'll survive. However, as the day as progressed my ankle has gotten worse. It is very very sore to walk on, in fact I cannot walk without a limp. It isn't too swollen (yet) but is starting to bruise. All I can think about is how long will this set me back? Not a great way to start the week.

So, sickness and injury ... I have no patience for either!

Hangover Classic Race Report

2010-01-01T16:50:00.006-05:00

Running the Hangover Classic is becoming a tradition for me. This was my 5th time running. I had to go back and look at my past results when I got home today. The times vary because the weather varies drastically. I've run in 40 deg and rain. I've run in 10 deg with stiff cold winds. I've run with the roads covered in snow. This is what my past 4 races looked like:
2005 - 5K, 3rd place, 20:03
2006 - 10K, 7th place, 41:19
2007 - 5K, 6th place, 21:09
2009 - 5K, 3rd place, 21:52

The other part of this race I like is that you have an opportunity to "take the plunge." Yes, jump in the Atlantic Ocean on Jan 1st ... and all for a mug! The first thing I did when I arrived was walk up to the beach to check out the waves.

It looked good and at a balmy 32 degrees plunging was definitely an option this year.

I went down to register and signed up for the 5K. I'm still nursing a sore and tight left hamstring so didn't think I could make it through the 10K. I did a 2 mile warm-up with Laurie and Linda then went inside to really stretch my hamstrings. I went back to the car, pinned on my number, put on my flats, and changed my shirt. I jogged a little more and then hit the start line.

Now, one of my pet peeves is races that start late. There is a reason we warm-up and it's not to stand forever at the start line. For some reason the race director found it necessary to delay the start to let a few runners get through the port-a-potty line. Seriously? Urgh!!!!

We finally started and I got trapped behind a few slow starters. After we rounded the first corner I made my way through and had room to run. I settled in and felt good. I hit the first mile marker in 6:45. At about the half-way point, we take this little detour around the block before we head back. At the first corner they ran us over some person's yard to avoid a flooded street. The footing was horrible but luckily is was only for a few seconds. I was still feeling really good except my hamstring was starting to get tight. When I hit the two mile mark it was tight enough that I could feel my gait changing slightly to compensate. I crossed the line in 21:02. I had no idea where I was until I turned the last corner and saw the clock. For some reason I never looked at my watch again after the first mile. I ran hard and was happy with that. I was also pleased that my overall pace is about 6:47, which means I never slowed down after the first mile.

I collected my mug for being in the top 25 finishers, walked down the finish shoot, caught my breath, then headed to the beach. Yup, it was time to take the plunge. Off with the shoes and socks, off with the stocking cap, off with the shirt. I trotted toward the water in my tights and sports bra. In order to get the mug, you have to fully submerge yourself. I've learned from the past that you have to be careful of the waves, especially when your legs are tired from racing. I walked out and waited for 2 big waves to roll into me then under I went. I came up and headed back up to collect my second mug!

I jogged back to the car barefoot, not very smart, but I didn't want to get sand in my flats. I grabbed my bag and headed inside to change. I'm always amazed at how much sand accumulates in your hair and bra in the 20 sec you are under water. Amazing! Putting on dry clothes felt wonderful.

My 21:02 gave me an overall 3rd place finish. My 5th hangover classic, my 3rd ocean plunge. It really is a great way to start the year.

Motivating Movies

2009-12-12T11:18:00.005-05:00

In the past couple weeks I went to see The Blind Side and Invictus, both great movies. I started thinking about all the great movies out there that motivate me. I have to admit that I kind of a movie junkie. I would rather watch a movie than TV any day. I think the only reason I have cable is to watch sports and movies, that's about it.

I think sports movies are some of my favorites! That is most likely because I consider myself an athlete and I know what it takes to get out there and push yourself. I have a lot of respect for athletes who strive to be the best, push themselves to the edge, to put it all out there. Some of my favorites movies are true and some are not, but they seem to motivate me the same.

Just a few of my go to flicks:

Without Limits. My favorite part of this movie is when Pre runs the Olympic Trails. Watching him "run away" from George young inspires me.

Remember the Titans. I love this movie. The scene where Denzel Washington is yelling at his team saying, "Will you ever quit?" And they respond, "No! We want some mo', we want some mo", we want some mo'!"

Invincible. I like this movie. I love it when Vince picks up the fumble and runs it in for a TD. Then he stands there with his hands in the air.

Pursuit of Happyness. This movie is the definition of dedication and perserverance. It may not be about sports, but it is about going after something you want, no matter what.

The Rookie. I know, this is a Disney movie, yeah go ahead and laugh. BUT, another person who wasn't afraid to follow his dream. It would be no surprise that I think the best scene is when he runs out on the field to pitch in a major league baseball game for the first time.

The Miracle. This might be my all time favorite movie. So many great scenes. so many great speeches. You can't even narrow it down. I love watching this movie when I'm on my trainer.

I am now adding The Blind Side and Invictus to the list. You can be sure I'll be snatching them up on DVD when they come out.

I am a visual person. I need to see my goal in front of me, it keeps me focused. When I wanted to qualify for Boston the first time I went to Boston and took a picture of the finish line painted on the road and then put the picture on my mirror. I also wrote my goal time for my qualifying marathon next to it in red lipstick. When training for my second Half IM, I again wrote my swim/bike/run splits and total time on my mirror so I would see them everyday. Currently, I have my swim/bike/run splits and total goal time for my IM taped to my refrigerator door. Motivating movies are another "visual" way to motivate myself.

What about you? What are the great movies on your list?

Mill Cities Relay

2009-12-06T18:06:00.007-05:00

Today was Mill Cities Relay. A 28.3 mile relay race, with 5 legs, that goes from Nashua NH to Lawrence MA. This was my 3rd year running. I love relays! I love the team spirit. The weather is usually bad too which makes it even more fun!!

The first time I ran this was 2007 on a Coed Open team. I ran leg 3 which is 2.5 miles. In 2008 I ran on another Coed Open team and ran leg 2, 4.75 miles. This year I ran on the Women's Open A team, leg 4 which is 9.5 miles.

Now, I was suppose to run leg 2 again, 4.75 miles. On Tuesday of this week I get an email from my friend Laurie, who is the relay coordinator for the Winners Circle Running Club. (I don't run for the Winners Circle, I run to help out my friend.). Anyway, she asks if she can move me from leg 2 to 4. Wow... 4.75 to 9.5. I thought about it for awhile and then was like, why not?! I am not in shape to race a 9.5 race, but I said yes. She emails me back and says, "That's why I love you!" On a side note, I can't complain to her because she ran leg 4 for the Womens Masters team (which took 2nd) and then turned around and ran leg 5 for a team of new runners because they couldn't find a 5th runner! And that's why I love her!

I drove to York last night to stay at Laurie's house. It makes the morning drive much better! Another girl on my relay also stayed. We had dinner and went to bed early. Early, but I couldn't sleep. I've been having back issues for the past two weeks. My back was aching. I tossed and turned and think I fell aspleep around 10:30. I got up once in the night to pee. Probably all the water I drank. Then I woke up at 4:30. My alarm was set for 4:45 but at that point I just got up. Next, shower ... wait, there's no hot water. Ugh. I took a very cold shower. Not sure if it was worth it. I tried to eat but could only get down 1/3 of my oatmeal and was not feeling well. Wow, this isn't good. We leave the house at 5:30, stop at the Portsmouth traffic circle to pick up Beth and then head to Nashua. We had to make 2 stops for bathroom breaks and more coffee. Still not feeling well. We drop off the leg 1 runner and then head to the 2nd relay exchange. We parked the car, grabbed a few items, then jumped in with Linda and drove to relay exchange 3. Another trip to the bathroom. Still not feeling well. Trying to be positive. Finalize race attire and head to the relay exchange.

Now, I listen to music when I run and when I bike, but I never listen to music when I race. Never. Today, my stomach was such a mess and my back was so sore that I thought, I need music to drown out the pain. I made sure it wouldn't disqualify my team and strapped on the iPod.

Back to the relay exchange, I see my girl coming, take the wrist bracelet, and I'm off. It is very slick in the beginning. I'm not running as fast as I should be because I'm trying to keep my footing. Finally the path gets better and I settle in. I have no idea what pace I'm running. The mile markers are painted on the road under the snow. I pass 2 females in the first couple of miles. I keep running. I finally see a mile marker at mile 4. Nice! I check my pace, just under 7:30. I'll take that. I keep running. I take a gel at mile 5. I hit mile 6. My back it starting to hurt and get tight. I just keep running. I'm trying to get lost in the music and just run. Keep to the beat. I tell myself that just leaves 3.5, that is just one loop around back bay. I do it all the time. I keep running, but I fall off a little. I hit mile 8 and some chic passes me. I thought for maybe 30 seconds and then was like NO! I can do this. It's only 1.5 miles to the finish. I pick up the pace and run behind her for about a half mile. I finally pass her back. We hit the 9 mile marker and I pick it up again. That chic is NOT passing me again. I come to the relay exchange and hand off to our last runner. Wow. I covered the last 1.5 miles in 10 min. Overall pace was somewhere around 7:25 I think. I was very happy with my race.

Now it hits me. I stopped and reality set in and my stomach went crazy! Ugh. I found another one of my teammates and we had 2 cars to drive to the finish. We finally get parked, get inside, and change into dry clothes. Wow am I sick. Eat or no? I eat. Bad decision. I'm standing there and all of a sudden I get a hot flash and I think this is it, I'm going to puke. I breathe. I find some Ginger Ale and go sit on the floor. I sat there for a long time and finally started to feel better. I have no idea what it was, but as I sit here tonight I am fine.

End result, my Female Open team took 6th. Laurie's Female Masters team took 2nd. Jeanne Hackett's Female Senior team took 2nd. It was a good day and a lot of fun, despite the stomach issues.

This race actually made me feel good about my fitness. I am looking forward to the Mid Winter Classic and feel good about what I may be able to do in about 2 months.

What is it and where does it come from?

2009-11-28T10:32:00.003-05:00

Everyday we make decisions. Some are unconscious decisions, habits. Decisions we make day in and day out. Decisions that take a split second. Other decisions can be big, life changing decisions. Decisions that take weeks or months to consider.

Lately I have been thinking about how some decisions come so easily for some and so difficult for others. For example, every morning I get up and eat breakfast. It’s not a hard decision for me, it’s either organic eggs and wheat toast or oatmeal. I rarely eat anything different. What about the person wants to eat oatmeal but ends up eating donuts instead? I exercise. Even though I love it, there are still days I want to turn off the alarm and roll over. There are days when I get home from work that I would rather crack open a beer and sit down on the couch. I don’t. I know I’m on the far end of the spectrum, but it’s still a choice I make daily. I listen to other people tell me how they want to exercise but they just don’t have the time, or they’re just too tired, etc. so they don’t.

What about the decisions that are life changing? What about the person who decides to quit smoking or has to conquer something as difficult as alcoholism or an eating disorder? What is it that enables us to do these things? Motivation? Will power? Determination? Why is is that some have it and some don’t? Why is it that one alcoholic can stop drinking and change their life and the other will die an early death?

Are we born this ability or is it learned? I’m not sure where mine came from but I’ve had it as long as I can remember. I’ve known people who always want to change or do more or do something different but they never do. Again, what is that? Is it fear? Is it lack of motivation? I don’t know but what I do know is that I’m thankful that I have what I have ... whatever you want to call it. I wish I could share it.

Being Thankful for your Friends

2009-11-26T13:43:00.002-05:00

I’ve thought a lot about what I’m thankful for this year. I’ve had quite a year. A lot of ups and a lot of downs. As I run the list through my head, the one thing that jumps to the top is that I’m thankful my best friend is with me today. I almost lost my best friend this year. I watched him struggle for his life. It is an experience I will never forget. I will never know where he found the strength to be strong through an impossible time. I watched him fake it on the outside and I watched him fall apart on the inside. I will never know where I found the strength to be there for him. I remember the nights that I had to hold myself together while he fell apart. It drained all my energy. BUT, all that will not even come remotely close to what he had to endure. I have so much respect for him.

I can’t imagine my life today without him. Anytime something happens to me, good or bad, he is the first person I tell. My day isn’t complete unless I talk to him. He lets me talk a hundred miles an hour, forever, saying nothing when I’m nervous. He let’s me cry, and cry hard, when I need to or sometimes for no reason at all. He let’s me go crazy when I can’t cope with life. He lets me be me. He never judges me, but he does keep me honest. He always calls me on my bullshit. He always tells me when I’m wrong. He tells me when I look like hell. He tells me when I look good. Most importantly, when I really need a friend, he’s there.

Sometimes I look back and think about how we became friends. Our story is definitely a unique one ... it’s a funny one, it’s a serious one, it’s a happy one, it’s a sad one, it’s a great one. It’s our story.

This year, be thankful for your friends, tell them how much they mean to you. Don’t ever take them for granted.

Swimming

2009-11-17T21:00:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking about my swimming lately. My swimming ... that's a pretty funny story. So, I grew up in the water. I was a fish. I spent all day, every day, in the summer at the pool. Starting at like age 6, I swam all day all summer. I was a lifeguard by age 14 and continued to lifeguard and teach lessons until 19. I was on the swim team and dive team when I was younger. I have always been a strong swimmer; BUT, what I have learned is that being a strong swimmer does not mean you are a fast swimmer.

I didn't swim for many many years. Then, a running injury put me back in the pool and I couldn't swim 4 laps without feeling like I was going to have a cardiac arrest! I was like WTF? I can run a marathon but I can't swim? Like anything, it just took some time. Before long, I was cranking out 2000m at a time. Little did I know, I still wasn't "training." A friend of mine convinced me to toss my hat into the triathlon ring. So, I added swimming and biking to my regular schedule. The moment of truth came at my first tri. I thought I was a fast swimmer. Funny. Really funny. I came out of the water so far back it wasn't funny. That was the moment of truth when I realized I sucked!!!!

The next season, I was talked into swimming at the lake with a group of triathletes. I was so nervous and had no idea what to expect. But hey, it's me ... so there I went. I was the last one out to the point and the last one back to the dock. This would be my place for quite a long time ... last. I kept swimming. Triathlons starts never got any easier. The anxiety I had at the start of every race drained my energy. I hated it. It was constant battle through the swim to keep positive thoughts ... to keep telling myself just get out of the water and go. Just get out of the water. Keep moving forward and get out of the water.

In 2007, I decided to train with the Masters group in Portland. Best decision I have ever made. I had a blast. I swam more yardage than ever and started to actually get faster! I had confidence! Wow! I was training for my second half IM and really getting after it. I wanted some revenge after my first half IM. Anyway, I kept building endurance and getting faster, but I was still the last one to the point and the last one to the dock on our open water swims. My new nickname was Nemo. Yes, Nemo.

I'm not sure what happened, but one day I put it in my mind that I was going to stay with the pack no matter what it took. I swam hard, got in a rhythm, and kept going. All of a sudden I feel someone grab my ankle. Huh? I stopped and turned around and Erin was like dude! WTF? I hit the point in the front for the first time ever. I was stoked! Then, we headed back and again, I was the first one back to the dock. Erin was just looking at me and finally was like ... "what the hell did you put in your Wheaties this morning?" Ha. The ironic part, it never happened again. Ever. I went into my half with a lot of confidence and ended up swimming slower than my first by a whole minute. Ugh.

That put me into a mind set that I couldn't swim. I started saying "I can't" and "I will never" and etc etc. That has stuck with me for two years. One of my best friends said to me this year, "Stop saying I can't!" He was kind of angry when he said it, okay REALLY angry, but I got it. It hasn't come easily but I did have two good swims this season ... Rhode Island 70.3 and the Colby Sprint Tri.

I started analyzing my swim training and making changes. I deciced that I'm not stepping to the line of my first IM without some confidence. and the training to back it up.

There will be no Nemo next season!

Planning 2010

2009-11-13T17:46:00.001-05:00

So after reading Mary’s post I realized it was time for me to look at 2010 too. I had some time on my flight from Portland to Houston so figured no better time than the present. What will my race schedule be? Which races will be my A races and which ones will I just be training through? What are my goals for the year? Is there a distance I want to PR? Is there one discipline that I want to really focus on? These questions would be easier to answer if I didn’t have an Ironman in the middle of my season. Ironman.

I don’t have a lot of time before my IM to participate in any other triathlons. The Mooseman is too close to my race which leaves me no choices unless I want to pick one that I have to travel to. I think this IM thing is expensive enough so I think I’ll pass on that option. And since I have no idea how I will feel after my IM, it’s tough to think about the rest of the season. I’m hoping that taking the month of July to recover will do the trick and I can enjoy the rest of the triathlon season in August and September. Those are the best months to race anyway! With all this in mind, this is what I‘m thinking about for 2010:

Mid Winter Classic 10-miler
New Bedford Half Marathon or the Hyannis Half Marathon
Polar Bear Tri
Ironman CDA
Kennebunk Tri
Lobsterman Tri
Colby Tri
Maine Marathon

Obviously, IM CDA is my A race, my main focus, my entire life basically from Jan to Jun. I would like to make a good showing at the Mid Winter Classic. I would also like to really throw down at the Maine Marathon. I love that race and I love the course. The last time I ran the Maine Marathon was in 2004 when I clocked my 3:31 PR. I would like to try to PR again and make a great showing at home! The other late season triathlons, well, I just want to have some fun. I know me and I will probably jump into some other road races here and there, but not many. My weekends will be taken up with lots and lots of biking and running. Wow, this IM thing certainly is going to be an adventure... and boy am I looking forward to it.

The other thing I do is start thinking about the things I’m going to need! Yes, more purchases of triathlon stuff. The list looks something like this: 1) A new pair of bike shoes. I have been wearing the same bike shoes for 5 years. They are beyond worn out. 2) An aero helmet. Yes, I have finally decided I need an aero helmet. I know they are more for the really fast folks, but I want one anyway. 3) Hammer. Not a hammer from the hardware store. Hammer products, a lot of hammer products. I need to stock up on gel and heed and sustained energy and recoverite and electrolytes. 4) New racing flats. This will probably also require a new pair of yanks. Matching my yanks to my flats is a necessity for me. Yes, another one of my quirks. 5) Two or three new pairs of running shoes. 6) Two new pairs of bike shorts. 7) A new racing outfit since my team is no longer. That should do it. Actually, that isn’t too bad. At least there are no big purchases this year like a new bike or a new wetsuit.

Here’s looking at a great 2010 season.

The Pumpkin 5K race report

2009-10-31T11:53:00.004-04:00

Last week I decided to jump into this little 5K in Yarmouth. The 3rd Annual Pumpkin 5K. Why not? It's kind of fun to bust out a 5K now and then. Besides, my last few 5Ks have been slower than I'd like, 21:30ish. Oh, remember the days of always clocking a 20 something, and then the few 19 somethings I have to my credit. Anyway, races have a way of motivating me. If I do poorly, then I want to train harder to get better. If I do well, then I want to train harder to get better ... yeah, funny how that works. I also believe that I shouldn't go too long between races because I need to be reminded how it feels to be outside my comfort zone.

5K start. There were a lot of people dressed up but I didn't. I did wear an orange shirt trying to be in the spirit of Halloween. Runners ready ... go. We're off. I tried not to go out too hard. I counted the women in front of me, 3. Two of them I know I cannot beat so kept my eye on the third, which wasn't hard since she was wearing these black tights with bright orange bats on them! I settled into my pace and felt good. I don't know what that was because I decided not to look at my watch and just run by feel. I kept getting closer and closer to the black tight lady and finally passed her about a mile in. Then I passed a guy on the next uphill. He passed me back once we were back on the flat. I kept my eye on him and I caught him again around two miles in. We ran side be side for awhile, but I didn't like it. I surged just a little and he came with me. Ugh. Why do men hate being passed by women? I decided right then that this guy wasn't going to beat me. I took the inside on the next turn and we had another uphill. I kept pushing up the hill and pretty soon he fell off. Yup. We turned into the school and had to run around to the back and onto the track for one lap. I was actually feeling good, pushing hard, but feeling good. I hit the track and picked it up as best I could. Then, the one thing you hope never happens happened ... about 150 m from the finish some chick comes flying past me. Seriously?? I tried to go with her but she was really moving! I give her credit, that was a hell of a kick. She beat me by 2 seconds for the third place spot, putting me in forth.

Final results:
21:10, 4th female, first in age group, 17th overall.

I'll take that. I smiled at the time and thought yup, I'll be posting 20 somethings again soon!

Did a cool down, collected a freshly baked pumpkin pie for winning my age group, and headed home. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday morning. The pie is still sitting on my counter. I'm wondering how long before I cave and dig in ...

Winter Training

2009-10-26T18:40:00.004-04:00

Yes, winter training is upon us. The season is over and next year’s season seems very far off. The days of summer are gone. The days when I head out for an early morning run and the sun has already risen; the days of standing on the dock and looking out across the lake at 5:30am and can't wait to swim across; the days of being able to bike until 9pm; yes all those days are over.

In winter training I get to roll out of bed every morning in the dark and know that it is cold outside! Oh how easy it would be to hit the snooze or to just turn off the alarm completely and stay in my nice warm comfy bed! But no, I have all this to look forward to …

Leaving my house at 5:45 am to drive to the pool in the cold and in the dark.

Spending long hours on a trainer pedaling away but never going anywhere.

Running on the ice and snow.

Winter running … that is whole separate topic in itself. Now, I love running in the first snow. It’s awesome. Making new tracks. Hitting the roads early in the morning when there are no cars out yet, just plow trucks. Unfortunately that only happens a few times all winter.

Mostly what you get is sidewalks covered in ice and snow and roads that get narrower and narrower with each storm. You run for an hour and you never feel like your muscles ever warm up. Surviving winter running in Maine is quite a task. I’ve taken many falls on the ice, had close encounters with many vehicles where I though I was going to have to dive into a snowbank, and come in from long runs frozen to bone! My option … taking it to the gym to run on what I like to call the dreadmill. I do believe the dreadmill has its time and place, but it’s just something I hate! But what has to be done has to be done and it’s a great place to do your speed workouts or hill repeats when the weather conditions just don’t suit. I remember training for the Hyannis Marathon in 2006 and it seemed like every time I needed to run long I would wake up to freezing rain and stiff winds. I somehow made it through one 17 and two 20 milers on the treadmill that winter. Yes, I said I ran 20 miles on a treadmill… twice … wow, maybe I am crazy! Actually, that is right up there with the day I decided to run 19 miles on the track because I thought it would help condition my mental toughness for my upcoming marathon. Yeah.

Anyway, my point is winter training is when I have to remind my self constantly why I’m doing this ... and that would be because I love it and it will be worth it in the spring!!

The Internal Drive

2009-10-15T11:46:00.001-04:00

Before almost every race, I get nervous. I get anxious. I know what is about to happen. I’m going to hurt. It doesn’t matter if I am lining up at a 5K or a Half Ironman, it’s going to hurt. The level of pain and the length of pain will vary, but believe me at some point during the race it will hurt. If it doesn’t, then I haven’t given it my all. One of my friends asked me once, “Why do you do it? Why would you want to go through the nervousness, the anxiety, the pain?” My answer, “Because I love it.” I remember telling my parents after my first half ironman that if ever spoke of signing up for another one to take a shovel and hit me upside the head. Since then I’ve completed two more and have now signed up for an ironman.

Where my desire came from and when it started is unknown. I grew up watching sports. All kinds of sports. I loved it. I remember watching Julie Moss crawl across the finish line of the Hawaii Ironman in 1982 and thinking, I want to do that. Not the crawling part of course, but finishing an ironman. I was only 11. During the Olympics I am always glued to the television. I love watching athletes achieve their goals, live their dreams. Admittedly, I cry almost every time I see an athlete stand on the podium and receive their medal.

More recently, I remember watching the finish of the 2009 Boston Marathon’s women’s race. The drive that Kara Goucher had coming to the finish was amazing, but what choked me up and what I will always remember was the look on her face when she came across the finish line. After turning herself inside out for 26.2 miles, she came across in 3rd. She made it no secret that she wanted to win and the look of disappointment and tears that followed told you everything. I understood. Although I’m nowhere near the caliber of athlete that Kara Goucher is, the drive to reach your goal is still the same. The joy of crossing the line knowing you reached your goal and the disappointment when you don’t is the same within all athletes. I’ve experienced both many times.

Those moments of joy stick with you …
• Finishing my first marathon and running every step of the way
• Getting my Boston Qualifying time
• Breaking 20 min for a 5K for the first time. After missing the mark on this twice, I spent 4 weeks of intense speed workouts and hill repeats to ensure I wouldn’t miss again. Result, 19:45.
• Crossing the finish of my second Half Ironman knowing that I finished 30 minutes faster than my first one

And those of disappointment do as well …
• Crossing the finish line of both my Boston Marathons in severe pain, way off my goal, and failing to re-qualify
• DNFing my first race … not even making it to the finish line because I quit
• That feeling you get at the moment you know you are going to have to walk, because that’s when you know it’s all over
• Multiple races that the outcome was not at all what I had planned

What prompted this post is my recent decision to finally do an ironman. I have had “ironman fever” for awhile; however, after I signed up this turned to what I’m going call “ironman fear.” All of a sudden I doubted whether or not I could do this. Whether I could handle the sacrifice it would take to do the training. Whether I could handle the pain I would have to endure to reach the finish line. Is this me? I couldn’t believe I doubted myself. I couldn’t believe that I was shying away from hard work. I couldn’t believe that I thought I couldn’t handle the pain. Then, I reminded myself how bad I’ve wanted to do this. I thought back about how many times I have watched ironman races on television. I’ve been watching them for over 25 years. As a child, I had no idea I would actually become a triathlete but I always knew I wanted to try. I want to know the feeling of crossing the finish line after 140.6 miles. I want to hear the announcer say, “Robin Carlson, you are an ironman.” My “ironman fear” is dissipating and is now being replaced with “ironman drive.”

Balancing Act

2009-10-07T09:56:00.002-04:00

Food, it is an essential part of our life. Without it, we could not live. Some people live to eat and others eat to live. I’m not sure I was ever a person who lived to eat; however, over the years the phrase eating to live took on new meaning to me.

Almost ten years ago, I decided to revisit this idea of being an athlete. I had not participated in anything that remotely resembled exercise since High School. In April of 2000 I started running. Actually, let’s call it jogging. Somewhere it turned into running but it definitely was not that when I started! In August of the same year, I entered my first road race since high school. That was it; I was completely hooked and have been racing consistently since that day. Soon fueling my body became an important part of my training. I started becoming very conscious of everything that I put into my body. I read many books, including Eat Smart, Play Hard by Liz Applegate, which I would recommend to anyone. I started to learn which foods were the best for me as a female and as an athlete. During my beginning years of running I also developed a chronic iron deficiency, although common among runners, sometimes difficult to resolve. Another round of research of all the foods rich in iron and a search to find an iron supplement that did not make me sick. Luckily, after a year of trying at least a half dozen different iron supplements I found one that worked. Another year of taking the supplement and I was finally able to maintain my iron levels. Anyone who has experienced low iron knows that it can wreak havoc on your energy levels.

In 2005 I decided to throw my hat into the triathlon ring and give the sport a shot. This brought me to a whole new level of balancing my caloric intake against caloric burn. For example, when you start your day with a 4 hour brick workout that results in a 3000 calorie deficit, it’s hard to intake enough food to replenish the body; however, if you don’t, your future workouts suffer. Throw in a strong desire to be the ideal race weight and you have added another component to already difficult balancing act.

I have lost my balance several times. They say that for every pound you take off, you can save 1-3 seconds per mile. Wow, when I learned that I won’t even tell you the calculations going on in my head! But, there is a point of diminishing return and you know when you get there. Your body cannot take the stress that you are putting it through. I have learned the hard way about not eating enough and being married to your scale.

I recently became very focused on my nutrition and weight again after losing my balance, which is what prompted this post. I am very in tune with my body, as most athletes are. I know when I’m on and I know when I’m off. I have all the tools and the knowledge to stay balanced; I just have to make that conscious decision every day to stay that way.

You will hear many triathletes say that proper nutrition is the fourth discipline, because without it we could never swim, bike, and run.

Peak Performance Maine Marathon Relay Race Report

2009-10-05T19:25:00.004-04:00

Maine Marathon weekend!!!! This is my favorite road racing weekend ever! Cool fall temps, everyone comes out to join in for the full marathon, the half marathon, or the relay. And if you aren't running you are volunteering. All the athletes show up on this day ... it's such a great day! Looking back, I've participated in the following:

2001 - Half Marathon (my first)
2002 - Half Marathon (ran with my dad)
2003 - Marathon (my first marathon)
2004 - Marathon (my second marathon and first Boston qualifying time)
2005 - Marathon Relay (set the course record for the female relay, which still stands today)
2006 - Injured ... ugh!
2007 - Half Marathon (turned myself inside out for an 11th place finish and PR of 1:31)
2008 - A volunteer

And that leads me to 2009. I debated for awhile on this. I originally was going to run the half, but after a long season I didn't feel the need to tackle the distance so decided to put together a relay instead. Besides, relays are so much fun. I sent out an email to my Nor'Easter teammates and instantly had a team put together. Erin - leg one - 6 miles, Nicole - leg 2 - 8.8 miles, Kiely - leg 3 6.2 miles, and Me - leg 4 - 5.2 miles. We're a go ... the Nor'Easter Girls!

Weather forecast predicted rain. It poured the night before, including wind, thunder, and lightning; however, I woke up on race morning to a calm, overcast, dry day. Perfect! I made it to the start early and slowly rounded up my teammates. We reviewed logistics of getting everyone to and from the relay exchange points. Erin was out lead leg so Kiely, Nicole, and I watched her start then headed out. We all piled in my car and headed to exchange point one. We dropped Nicole off and wished her luck. Kiely and I headed to Yarmouth to drop her at exchange point two. I then headed back to Falmouth to park and get ready at exchange point three. Off with my warm-up clothes, on with a throw away shirt, a quick change into my running flats and I was off. I arrived at my exchange point with an hour to go.

Okay, time to warm-up. After a good warm-up and stretch, I started to look around at the competition. Now, we all said we were doing this for fun, but c'mon ... we're triathetes!!!! I sized everyone one up and decided I only saw one other lady who might be my competition so I approached and asked ... sure enough, I was right. More warm-up, waiting, waiting... the other women's team took off and I started clocking the time between hand offs. 10 minutes later Kiely came over the hill and tagged me ... I'm off. First mile was fast but it's hard when you take off all psyched up and it's all downhill. I settled in and was feeling really good. I tried to keep relaxed and in rhythm. I could here my best friend echoing in my head about over striding and keeping my arms relaxed. I kept checking my form. The miles were clicking off fast. I heard a lot of cheers for the Nor'Easter team. As I turned onto Baxter Blvd I had just under 2 miles to go. I knew my teammates were waiting for me near the finish and couldn't wait to see them. As I approached about a half mile to go they joined me and we all ran in together. That was such a boost to me! Crossing the finish all four of us side by side was great. There is a great dynamic to a team effort!

I took a minute out of the other team and we finished in second place. I was very happy with my run and felt that I had nothing left. That is the way you're suppose to feel... tired, hurting, out of breathe, and happy knowing you left it all on the course.

Another great day on Maine Marathon weekend!!

Colby Triathlon Race Report

2009-09-27T16:56:00.003-04:00

Saturday was my last tri of the season. The Colby Tri has to be one of my favorite races! It is low key, lots of fun, and always the last race of the season.

I had my toes done Friday night. A little pre-race ritual when I'm really excited about a race. I laid out all my gear Friday night as well. Packing was tough as it was suppose to be fairly chilly Saturday morning. Well, fairly chilly it was!! It wasn't even 40 when I arrived at the race. It did warm up a little by the start but it was by no means even close to being warm.

I checked in, got body marked, set up transition, went for a warm-up run, and then into my wetsuit. Did a quick warm up swim and then waited for the start. As I stood on the dock, I was thinking of the advice my best friend gave me ... "Lay it all out there, don't leave a thing behind ... end the season on a high note."

Alright, show time. When they said go I went. I swam harder than I have ever swam before in a race and I survived! Something to take into next season for sure. Into T1 and out on the bike. I had not been on my bike for almost 6 weeks so it took me a bit to feel good, but once I warmed up things went fairly well. I didn't break any records, but I went as hard as I could at the time. I did drop my chain around mile 11, but I was able to put in back on in seconds. Into T2 and out on the run. My feet were pretty cold from the bike but overall I felt good. I met Catherine coming in for the overall win as I was heading out. She looked great. A few minutes after that I met Nicole coming in for her second place finish. We did a quick high five as we passed. I was feeling really good on the run and after the turnaround really pushed the pace. As I was coming in for the finish Catherine and Nicole had both come up to the road to cheer me on ... always nice to be racing with your teammates. Finished 6th female and 1st in my age group.

As I was getting in my car, Catherine rolls down her car window, leans out and says, "Season's over. Now what do we do?"

Good question.

What if ...

2009-09-15T21:42:00.002-04:00

Shel Silverstein said, "Last night, while I lay thinking here, some what ifs crawled inside my ear and pranced and partied all night long and sang their same old what if song."

We all run the what ifs through our mind ...

What if we had done more
What if we had done less
What if we had said no
What if we had said yes
What if we were better
What if we were less

Does it ever make any difference? My thoughts, no. All the what ifs do is take up a lot of time and energy. Life is what it is ... roll with it, accept it, live with it. We are all just who we are and we all just do what we do. Does everything happen for a reason, well that's a topic for another day ...

My Aunt Linda ...

2009-08-31T22:55:00.003-04:00

My Aunt Linda passed away Thursday, August 27th 2009. I spent a lot of time with her as a child, but did not get an opportunity to spend much time with her as an adult; however, we had a connection that ran deep, really deep. She had battle with cancer that lasted 35 years. I have never met a woman that had so much courage and will to live than her. I would like to think that played a part in who I am today, and I will forever be grateful.

She always said that we had a connection that she couldn't explain, even though we were not able to spend time together. I was named after her, looked like her, and now as an adult I display the qualities she had. I only hope that I can make her proud by living the way she did. She was an amazing person and the world is definitely a lessor place without her. I will miss her dearly.

As much as I grieve over her death, I feel some relief knowing that she no longer has to suffer. She deserves the best and I know, without a doubt, she is in a better place. I love you Linda Sue ...

Here we go...

2009-07-28T19:39:00.003-04:00

After long thought and discussion... contemplating many
options, I finally decided.

I signed up for Ironman CDA... 6/27/2010.

It is official!

Like I said... here we go...

Race report catch up ...

2009-07-27T20:52:00.003-04:00

Wow ... so I moved into my new apartment May 1st and just got around to hooking up my computer so am way behind in blogging.

I have missed multiple race reports in that time. I don't have the patience to blog about each one, so here are the highlights:

May 1 - Polar Bear Triathlon
First tri of the season. Raced a few weeks post Boston, still fatigued and very tired from moving the entire day before.

May 16 - Bedford 12k
This was the 3rd race in the quest for the jacket. Raced extremely tired from finals at school, some personal stress, and an impromptu trip out of town.

June 6 - Mooseman Triathlon
I arrived at this race after 4 days in NJ for an insurance training class. Drove straight from the airport to the race site ... little tired but nothing major. Slept great in my tent. I love sleeping in my tent. Weird. Race morning was good. All was pretty normal. I was trying not to freak out about the swim as I have been having issues with that lately. Start ... swim didn't go to well. I kept feeling like I couldn't breathe and having to stop. My swim split was slow. Then, coming out of T1 I mounted my bike and then somehow got tangled with another girl. Our handlebars hit, my bike went down, I went over the handlebars and hit the ground, hard. I got up and took off, shaking. I kept telling myself to shake it off and relax. I kept riding and then realized that something was wrong with my bike. Dismount. It was just my brake rubbing. I fixed it and took back off. The first time I reached up to shift, pain shot through my hand and I thought, wow ... that's not good. I looked down at my right hand and it was already swollen and bruised. I kept riding and fought back a few tears. I soon relaxed but was having problems shifting and getting my water bottle in and out. Half way through the ride the road was really rough and the vibrations were sending shock waves through my hand. I tried riding with one hand for awhile then frustrated and in pain, I started to cry. Okay, this is not me. I started to yell at myself in my head ... dude, suck it up and get over it. There's probably nothing wrong. No excuses. Luckily the road smoothed out and I was able to drop back in my aerobars for awhile and got myself together for the end of the bike. I was really happy to get off that bike. T2 proved a challenge as I had a hard time getting my shoes on with one hand. Once I headed out on the run, I felt good. Adrenalin took over, the pain went away, and I had a really good run split. However, the moment I crossed the finish line I knew something was wrong and the pain came rushing back. I went straight to the med tent for ice. They told me something was probably broken ... which was confirmed 2 days later. Ugh.

June 7 - Rhody 5k
The 4th race in the quest for the jacket. This was the day after the Mooseman. I woke up tired, with a swollen hand, and still in pain. I drove almost 3 hours, ran a 5K in a pretty respectable time given the circumstances, then drove almost 3 hours home. Wow, earning the jacket... that's all I have to say about that.

June 21 - Portland Seadogs Fathers Day 5k
Nothing to say here ... ran it as a workout.

July 12 - Rhode Island 70.3 Triathlon
My Half Ironman and what was to be my BIG race of the season. Unfortunately, having a splint on my hand for a week and a cast for 3, put a damper on my training for this race. I went down, did the distance, and finished. Maybe the only good thing that came out of this race is that I had a good swim with no freak outs and my fastest bike split in a half yet, which is ironic seeing that the bike is what I trained on the least.

Many more races to come this season ... 3 more triathlons and 3 more races in the quest for the jacket. Stay tuned ...

Balancing Act

2009-05-29T09:47:00.006-04:00

I remember sitting in the living at the age of 8, or maybe 9, listening to a man talk to my sister and I about the importance of positive thinking and setting goals. My mother had brought this man to the house, had him talk to us, then bought tapes for us to listen to and posters to hang on our bedroom walls, all to help encourage us. My parents "encouraged" us to always be our best. Give everything 100%, or more.

I am very thankful that my parents taught me that I could do many many things and be successful if I worked hard. Motivation and hard work, Think you can, You can do it, Never quit, and I could go on and on.

My parents never limited me. I attempted a variety of activities, some with better results than others. Swim team, diving team, weigh lifting, track, basketball, tennis, gymnastics, cheerleading, golf, rodeo, baton twirling, piano, marching band, concert band, jazz band. Did I miss anything?

This is all well and good; but if you are not careful you can collapse under the pressure. The expectations set, although maybe not intentional, can be so high that they are unattainable. This attitude has driven me to be very successful in my adult life. However, I continue to set the bar extremely high for myself and many times falter under the pressure. It is a balancing act ... and for those who know me, know that I don't always have the best balance...

Who am I?

2009-04-27T19:36:00.004-04:00

Do you know who you are? Do you know what you believe? What do you want in life? Are you afraid to voice it? Can you answer these honestly? I can, thankfully today I can.

I admit, there were times many years ago that I didn't know who I was. I was searching for something, I'm not sure what, but it was a long road. I made bad choices. Choices that at moments I regretted; wished I could change. Choices that effected me for the rest of my life, or so it seemed. I was vulnerable, easily influenced, and I couldn't stand up for myself. People who know me today probably find that hard to believe. Now, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing because that journey has made me who I am.

Today, I never apologize for who I am. If I'm wrong or harm someone, I will always apologize, but I never apologize for being me. Not everyone is going to like me. Not everyone is going to agree with me. I just am who I am ... and to be honest, I like who I am.

I've been looked down upon for being a teenage Mom. I've been looked down upon for being divorced, more than once. I haven't always made the right decisions, but all of these things, all of these challenges have made me who I am today. Every time I see a mountain in front of me, I climb it. I don't turn around and look the other way. I know that whatever comes my way, I can handle it. (I give a lot of credit to my mom for that.) It may not be easy, but life never is.

When I find something about myself that I don't like, I change it. I don't change it for anyone else, I change it for me. One thing I have learned over the years is that you cannot change for another person, nor should you expect another person to change for you. It doesn't work. You have to do it for yourself ... no one else.

So, who I am? I am a 38 year old single, divorced female, mother of 2, grandmother of 1, successful business woman, grad student, talented athlete, and a great friend. Egotistical? Not a chance. I call it confidence. I know exactly who I am and I am proud of it.

I challenge you to find out who you are ...

Boston 2009 Race Report

2009-04-20T19:32:00.005-04:00

Boston Marathon 2009 ... 2nd Boston, 6th Marathon. Good intentions that never came to be. I thought twice about posting this because my splits were, well, almost embarrassing. Goal going in was approx 3:30, ~8 min pace. My 2nd Boston went something like this ...

Didn't sleep too bad. Was asleep by 9:30, tossed a little, but then woke up a 3 am and had a hard time going back to sleep. Finally got up at 4. My parents dropped me at Boston Common at 5:45, boarded one of the first buses and I was on my way. Arrived at the athlete's village and the temps were low 40s with a wind. I found a spot under a tent and sat down to relax. Nothing too major pre-race, everything went fine.

The start ... wave 1, corral 13. National Anthem, then the fly over ... that always gives me chills. It took about 8+ minutes to get to the starting line from my corral and then we were off and running. I felt good through the first half ...

Mile 1 - 8.21

Mile 2 - 7.58

Mile 3 - 7.57

Mile 4 - 7.52

Mile 5 - 8.05

Mile 6 - 8.00

Mile 7 - 8.02

Mile 8 - 8.01

Mile 9 - 7.55

Mile 10 - 8.03

Mile 11 - 8.05

Mile 12 - 7.56

Mile 13 - 7.57

Not too bad eh? I thought well, maybe this year will be different ... uh, nope. First, I had to stretch a cramp in the left hamstring during mile 14 then had to hit the porta potty at mile 15 - (necessary or I would have never stopped).

Mile 14 - 8.50

Mile 15 - 9.52

Mile 16 - 8.26 tried to come back but just wasn't the same after stopping ...

Then I hit the Newton Hills that rocked my world ... and not in a good way either.

Mile 17 - 9.28

Mile 18 - 10.13

Mile 19 - 10.14

Mile 20 - 10.11

Mile 21 - 10.33

I really tried to rally at this point now that the hills were over; but honestly, my legs had taken a beating at this point and were starting to really hurt.

Mile 22 -9.10

Mile 23 - 9.30

Mile 24 - 9.16

Mile 25 - 9.51 (not real sure what happened here)

Mile 26.2 - 10.57 ( which is 9.07 pace)

So I rallied slightly and brought the pace back down a minute per mile, but not enough. Final time 3.50.51. 8.49 pace. 2nd time I've ran Boston and 2nd time I failed to re-qualify.

Now, this is Boston and I find it an honor to run. I am happy that I have completed the 26.2 mile trek again, but not happy with the result. This is definitely not my last Boston. I will learn how to run the course.

Next up ... Polar Bear Tri on 5/2, Bedford Rotary 12K on 5/16. Bad races only motivate me. It's going to be a fun season ...

confessions of my rituals ...

2009-04-18T17:25:00.010-04:00

we all have them, those little things that we do before every big event. routines, superstitions, idiosyncrasies, rituals ... whatever you call them and for whatever reason you do them, they are there. i remember early on in my basketball career i established a routine that i went through before every free throw. step to line, look at the basket, three dribbles, roll the ball in my hands, bounce at the knees for a 3 count and swish (well, most of the time it went swish). did it contribute to my high free throw percentage? i have no idea. all i know is that i just didn't feel right if i didn't go through the ritual. i have another every time i tee off in golf. as an athlete, we learn that the mental aspect is just as important, if not more, than the physical. we can train all we want but if we are not in the right space mentally, we will never realize our full potential. we will never get where we want to be.

that being said, i am confessing a few of my own ...

* shower - now to some that may seem silly. especially when heading to a triathlon to get in the water. doesn't matter. sometimes i even wash my hair.
* shaved legs - yes, the legs must be shaved either the night before or the morning of... no exception.
* painted toes - this is a must for every triathlon. big triathlons even constitute a trip to the nail salon for a full blown pedicure and a fancy paint job.
* splits - i have to write out my splits before hand. road race and triathlon alike, i have to know exactly where i want to be.
* meditation - i have to mentally picture myself during the race. i know i'm not alone in this one! all i need is a little time to put on my mp3 player and close my eyes and go through the race start to finish.
* music - we have the songs that mean something to us. i have songs for all occasions ... when i'm happy, when i'm sad, when i'm trying to cheer myself up, when i'm trying to pump myself up, when i'm trying to relax. my favorite pre-race song ever is up around the bend by CCR. something about the line "there's a place up ahead and i'm goin' just as fast as my feet can fly ..."
* go to phrase or song - i need something in my head to think about, repeat, or sing when it gets really tough. it changes from race to race but i do have some favorites. for big races i usually come up with something new. one year while racing my third big lake half marathon, i sang the abc song over and over to get through the 4 miles of really tough hills. crazy but it worked.
* hair ribbons - this is my newest and most off the wall yet. for some reason i decided that i needed ribbons in my hair for my first boston marathon and they had to match my singlet... blue and orange. i have no idea why or where this idea came from. There is something to be said about feeling better about yourself if you think you look good ... yes, back to the mental aspect. so, as i was preparing for boston marathon #2 i realized i needed another set of ribbons. yesterday i picked up my new singlet to check out the colors so i could get matching ribbons today. this time, blue and silver... and they sparkle!

do any of these things make me perform better? i have no idea but i don't think i'll change them ...

3 days and counting ...

2009-04-16T22:42:00.003-04:00

I'm having the normal jitters for Boston ... not ready, not ready, not ready. Actually I'm not. Or am I?

Felt really good up until New Bedford then something came apart a little. Mental or physical? Not sure. Doubt is creeping in. However, Wednesday night I was out for an easy run and started thinking I was slower than death so I clocked a mile split ... 7:19. Uh, yeah. Said to myself ... "Carlson, this is suppose to be an easy run ... rein it in!!!!"

One would think that heading into marathon #6 I would be better. Nope. Not a chance. Having flashbacks of my worst and most painful marathon ever ... yup, you guessed it, Boston.

One thing I have learned is to put the goal out there. You have to say it out loud so it is real. (I love that saying ... think I'll say it again ... you have to say it out loud so it is real. Believe it.) Okay, back to the goal ... started out at sub 3.25. Not going to happen. Not in a million years. Wait, it WILL happen but not on Monday. I felt as if I was in pretty good shape a month ago so probably just playing mental games with myself. Okay, how about an easy 3.40 ... yeah, okay slacker. Let's be serious. 3.30. 8 minute pace. Doable without killing myself. There it is, let's go with it ... goal is 3:30.

Counting down and getting ready ... stayed tuned for the race report...

where's the instruction manual?

2009-04-13T05:41:00.004-04:00

All of life is such a learning process. Our parents guide us, but we still have to make our own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. I told my mother once that if we learn from our mistakes I should be a genius by now. So many times I have wished there was an instruction manual, a reference book, anything to help make the decisions in life that are just too hard. The saying that life must be lived forward but only understood backwards is oh so true. Many times we have no idea why things are the way they are, especially when you are right in the middle of it, but once you have moved out or moved on things suddenly make a little more sense. All the good times, all the tough times, all the mistakes ... they really do happen for a reason - even though I hate that phrase - it's true. Well I believe that most things do. Sometimes I wish things in life were different or that I could change something, but I realize all of that has made me who I am today. All the things I have experienced, the places I have been, the people I have met... it's all part of me. I will be facing another birthday in a week. Almost 38 years have gone by ... they have been pretty good and I'm looking forward to a few more.

Thought today... Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

true friends ...

2009-04-07T07:27:00.006-04:00

reflecting today on how lucky i am to have a handful of true friends in my life that are always there for me ... no matter what.

that let me talk over and over about the same things ...
that drop everything to have coffee with me ...
that drop everything to have a beer with me ...
that let me call whenever needed ...
that will let me cry whenever needed ...
that are honest with me and tell me the truth, even when i don't want to hear it ...
that love me despite my faults ...
that will just be there even when i don't want to talk ...
that understand ...

thank you ...

feeling spring ...

2009-03-31T21:22:00.002-04:00

Coming back from vaca in Costa Rica where it was in the high 90s to the Maine temps was tough. But, today on my run the sun was out and I was sporting shorts ... spring is just around the corner.

The snow is mostly gone leaving behind piles of sand and rocks. My skis are packed up (sadly). My hats and gloves are packed back in the tote. The days of filling an entire washer with clothes from one workout is over. No more longs runs coming in frozen and feeling like your muscles never really did warm up ... even after 15 miles. No more trainer.

Soon I will be coming in from runs dripping with sweat. The road bike will be back on the road ... where it belongs!! And I'm counting the days to jump in the lake and try out my new wetsuit.

I do love winters in Maine, but my the end of March I am definitely ready for it to be over.

Speaking of Spring, what will April 20th bring? What will the weather be like at the start line in Boston ... cold, hot, rainy, snowy, windy ... Boston has seen it all. Spring weather in New England, have to love it.

The countdown begins ...

2009-03-30T06:52:00.001-04:00

3 weeks til Boston ...

16 weeks til RI 70.3 ...

wow, does time fly!!

when is enough, enough????

2009-03-29T17:50:00.004-04:00

when is enough, enough? when do you draw the line?

i was confronted with this question just yesterday. somehow i knew this day would come. it has been several years in the making and deep down, i just knew it.

the day came ...
i said enough ...

now thinking, wondering, hoping that i was right... that it really was time to say when ...

A day of many emotions ...

2009-03-20T20:42:00.002-04:00

Oh, how should I start this? I awoke this morning feeling very anxious ... I had so much to do in one day, so much on my mind, and just needed to get through the day. Not that it would all be over at the end, but since I'm leaving on vacation, just trying to get through the day and at the end be ready to enjoy. Wish I could have ran this morning to unwind, but that was a no go as I had so much to do I was at my desk a little after 7.

So, first ... Big day at work, but isn't it always when you're leaving for vaca. For some reason I seem to think that "my" world at work can't go on without me. Pretty egotistical, eh? I was in and out a couple of times making the day go by in a flash. Through all the rushing around was glad I took a moment to have lunch with a friend, which made me stop and relax for a bit. All was good in the end and left feeling like I left my desk clean with almost no loose ends. When I got up from my desk I realized I was the only one left ... not unusual if you work late on a Friday. Out with the lights, set the alarm, out the back door.

So, second ... backing up slightly, disappointment yet again with my son. Had this pit in the bottom of my stomach from the moment I awoke that plans would not unfold as they should and they didn't ... not much to be said ... should be used to it by now.

So, third ... had to make phone calls to the fam before I leave on vaca. Call to my sister was good, as it almost always is. Call to the folks ... yeah.

So, fourth ... had to say goodbye to one of my best friends. She is moving to Tampa while I'm on vaca. I spent Monday night with her, but tonight was the true goodbye. Really tough because you don't have that many true friends in life and she was one ... really, really going to miss her. Really.

So, fifth ... with all of that, still REALLY stoked to go on vaca!!!! In dire need of a week of relaxation. No work, no school, no kids, no boys, no cell phone, no computer. None of it. A week of me and my best girl. I can't think of any way I would rather spend my vaca.

Yeah, that should about cover it ... and I'm off ...

Boston Marathon ...

2009-03-18T21:06:00.003-04:00

bib # assigned ... #13969 ... wave #1

very end of wave #1 ... guess it will keep me in check ...

New Bedford Race Report

2009-03-17T07:55:00.002-04:00

2nd race in my quest for the jacket ... New Bedford Half Marathon.

Trying to think if this is the 4th or 5th time I've ran this race, can't remember! Luckily, this is the first time the weather has ever been nice! Almost 50 at the start with no wind. Unbelievable!

Goal for this race was to run about 15 sec per mile faster than marathon pace for Boston and be consistent. MP is 7:50 so aiming for 7:35. I know the course so first mile is always a little fast, then a few miles of hills, then the long stretch of downhill and flat that you have to hold yourself back or you will be suffering in the end. A few miles along the coast and then the dreaded last mile uphill back into town. That last mile always has and always will suck!!

Splits went like this:
7.24 - little fast
7.30
7.40
7.41 - end of the hills
7.21
7.19
7.19
7.19 - nice consistent miles but thinking I need to slow down
7.46 - not that slow!
7.23
7.34
7.35
8.30 - the last 3.1 ... ummm, yes the dreaded last hill and that is a horrible split! Ugh.

Felt good, in control, and very comfortable through the whole race. Little tough that last mile but to be expected. Hit the 10 mile mark in 1.14, which was a minute faster than I finished the Amherst 10-miler a few weeks ago. Overall pace ... 7.34. Mission accomplished.

Feeling good but still a little anxious about Boston ... 5 weeks to go ...

DH Jones 10-miler

2009-02-25T20:46:00.003-05:00

One of my goals this year was to run all 7 of the NE Grand Prix races so at the end of the season I could earn an iron runner jacket. Yes, on a quest for the jacket. Going to be tough as twice I will need to double road races and triathlons in the same weekend. Plus will need to run two marathons in one year... Boston and Bay State.

Sunday was the first race, a 10-miler in Amherst MA. Going in I had a 5 minute window for a goal ... 1:10 to 1:15. Weather forecast originally wasn't good but then the storm slowed and seemed as if we might make it through the race without the cold rain and snow. Funny side story, my gf called Sat morning to see if I was still "up for it." Of course, I said yes. She laughed and said I knew you wouldn't bail!!!! Weather doesn't mean much to me ... I race. Period.

Pre-race was good, warm-up and such. Although at the last minute I thought I needed to change up into shorts, but didn't. In the end, a good decision.

Plan was to start conservatively, given the course, then settle in and give it more at the end. I did well. Mile splits were irrelevant given all the hills, but overall did run negative splits. I looked at my time at mile 6 and realized that to get a 1:15 I needed to pick up the pace. I maintained the next mile, then picked it up. The rain started at mile 7, but still my last 3 miles were good! As I came into the finish, my girlfriend was cheering -(who finished about 3 minutes ahead of me because she rocks)- and then said, "you have company" so I picked it up to the finish. Final time, 1:15:45. I'll take it. Truth be told, wasn't sure I could go 1:15 so was very happy.

It has been a long time since I crossed a finish line not only happy, but stoked! A feeling I thought I might never feel again. I love that feeling ...

Called my coach on the way home ... answered the phone not with a hello, but "how did it go?" When I gave my time, he said really nice job. Not something I hear very often from him. Very good feeling.

Ready to tackle the remaining six races. God, it feels good to be back!!!!

a new year ...

2009-01-22T17:56:00.004-05:00

wow, haven't posted anything in months! maybe because i finally got busy and stopped thinking about myself so much.

things they are a changing ...or better, already changed. after what seemed like an endless roller coaster ride of emotion ... i finally was able to step off!

life is good today. oh yes, there is stress, but i seem to be able to handle it. definitely feeling back to my old self.

only a few weeks into 2009 and looking forward to a new year.

quick run down of my ambitions this year:
* sub 3.25 at Boston
* sub 5.25 at RI 70.3
* run all the NE Grand Prix races and get an "iron runner" jacket
* put a major focus on my swimming

* finish 3 MBA courses
* complete 2 CIC courses

* exceed my new sales goal at work

* be happy!

Here's hoping for a much better year!

Kennebunk Race Report

2008-08-26T06:59:00.004-04:00

Kennebunk Sprint Tri was on Sunday. Coming off a week of having an ear infection and on meds and almost no training. I was actually excited to race but a little worried given the sickness and not sure how my body would react.

The swim went well. I actually enjoyed the ocean swim and the waves and felt pretty good. Quick transition at T1 and out on the bike. The course was relatively flat and felt pretty good during most of the bike. My left elbow rest came loose again. I had fixed it Sat night but obviously not good enough. It didn't really effect me, just slightly annoying. Another quick transition at T2 and out on the run. The first mile was a little tough. That is to be expected as I haven't done many brick workouts this year. Started to settle in after that and finished strong.

The story on this race though was my perspective. I had a great day. I love the race atmosphere, enjoyed seeing all my tri friends, and had a great time racing. BUT, all that went out the window as soon as the results were posted. When I saw how slow I was and finished way out of any awards, my heart just sank. Now, I have no reason to feel this way. I have not trained up to standard this year at all. In fact, almost quit racing this year altogether. My drive home was rough. I actually cried, which for me is out of character. I'm the "no emotion" queen ya know.

I now have realized -(well I think I already knew)- that I am not the kind of person that can do anything half way. I either need to be a competitive triathlete and train like one or quit. One or the other, no in between. I don't know if this is what I needed to figure that out but looking back I am glad this happened. I have learned a lot about myself this season. Hope I can take this forward into next season and be ready to totally get it on ...

Wildman race report

2008-08-11T06:59:00.004-04:00

I was nervous for this race, not sure why. I get nervous sometimes for big races but this wasn't one of those. Anyway, watching the rain all week got me wondering if was going to have to race in bad conditions. At the last minute, I took a friend up on his offer to crash in North Conway the night before. So, packed up on Friday night I headed to NH. Arrived at about 7:45 and then stopped in at Moat Mountain for one beer and a little extra food. A quick chat with Bill and then off to bed. Watched the opening games of the Olympics for awhile then tried to sleep. Didn't sleep well at all, then up at 5.

We dropped my truck off at the base of Wildcat Mtn and headed to Shelburne. Registration and set-up was a breeze. Warm-up went well. First leg - 10K run. Tried to run steady but conservative, clocked at 45 and change and was in 2nd place. Second leg - 22.3 mile bike. The first 7 mile loop was rolling but not too bad. Up Route 2 then onto Rte 16. The last 7 miles was a very long gradual climb up to the base of Wildcat. My legs started to really feel it the last 4 miles and was ready to get off my bike. I slowed and was passed by 6 females leaving me in 8th place. (Note to self - need to work on my hill climbing on the bike.) Third leg - 3 mile run up Wildcat Mtn. Transition didn't feel too bad until we started to hit some of those grades that were 20%+. Steep enough at points that at fast hike/walk is all you could do. So, walk-run all the way up, passing 2 females on the way. Crossed the line in 2:59 and in 6th place. Good effort!

A BIG thank you to Bill for being my tri-sherpa ... from making my coffee at 5 am, shuffling my stuff from T1 to T2, for taking what seemed to be 100 photos during the race, and for being at the top with warm clothes! You're amazing!

Another race in the books and feels REALLY good to be back at it ...

there are two people in this world ...

2008-08-04T07:01:00.003-04:00

yes, those who are positive and those who are negative. those who make things happen and those who just sit back and watch life go by.

a couple of recent events have really brought this to my attention lately. a good friend of mine recently complimented me by saying how much he admired me for what i had accomplished in my life through hard work. then, i had a conversation with another friend of mine who is really down and very negative. it was hard to take because she is scared of failure which is inhibiting her from stepping out of the dark cloud she is under to find something better. although i try to be very supportive, i realize that she has to possess that "something" inside her that allows her to make the conscious decision to step up and face the challenges.

i am so grateful that my parents raised me constantly telling me to be positive. to know that i could do anything i wanted if i worked hard and was motivated. they instilled a "can do" attitude that has helped me through many hard times. yes, i get scared sometimes but for some reason i always know that i will be okay. the outcome may not always be my choice, but if you don't take a chance you will never get anywhere. i've had many highs and lows through my life but always step up to the challenge. when life is hard you just work harder. as they say, you have to try and if you fail, just pick yourself up and try again. never give up.

thanks mom and dad ...

monday again ...

2008-07-21T06:22:00.003-04:00

beginning of a new week. feeling good all around. am tired and a bit sore from a weekend of racing and training, but it's a good feeling.

spent a good part of the weekend to myself and did quite a bit of thinking. feeling on track with my training and that is really good. really good for my mental state! finished up my race schedule for the rest of the season and looking forward to it.

did some more thinking about my new position at work and am excited to get started. there's a little bit of work to do to get everything in place but ready to hit the ground running.

also did some thinking about the issue i had with a relationship lately. being so ungrounded about the situation caused me to act in a way that is totally out of character for me. it has been a little tough because i know i ruined a really good thing but luckily this man is very gracious and our friendship is still in tact. i still look back and wonder what the hell i was thinking. anyway, i don't like to get caught up in the little stuff and feel that i have put it all in perspective and have let it go. what's done is done and time to move on. feeling very grounded now about it all, which is a good feeling. funny how much perspective you can gain once you actually remove yourself from the situation. too bad i couldn't have seen that while i was in it. still have a slight feeling of regret, but know that it will pass. i spent way too much energy on the situation anyway and it's time for that energy to be focused elsewhere.

ready to tackle another week ...

tri race report

2008-07-19T21:10:00.002-04:00

my day started a little after 5 am and went through the typical pre-race routine ... shower, coffee, packing, etc. my friend picked me up at 6am and we were off. arrived on time, picked up my bib, and set up my transition spot. shortly after found that wetsuits would not be allowed. this really didn't bother me too much as i don't mind swimming without one.

wasn't too nervous today, which was good. did a quick run warm-up, listened to the pre-race meeting, then headed to the lake for a swim warm-up. water was nice!!!! soon the race was off. right off the bat i took a few steps, dolphined, and hit a rock right on the left hip bone! duh! swim felt good. long run back to the transition. switched up and off on my bike. bike had several challenging hills, but also some nice downhills were i hit over 40 mph. nice rest before heading into T2. switched up again and then almost ran the wrong way out of the zone. not sure how i did that, blond moment i guess. felt good on the run, but think i could have pushed it more. finished 5th female and 1st in my age group. not bad for not being in peak racing shape and my first tri of the season. i'll take it.

thoughts ... still have some work to do but am really ready to do it. racing was fun!!!! that is a good feeling, one that i wasn't sure i'd have again ...

perspective

2008-07-17T07:40:00.003-04:00

well, things are going along status quo. work is good and training is good. more excited about racing than i have been in months. lost a few pounds too.

quick race run down ... the 5k last weekend went okay. result was what i would expect given my current training. i now have a benchmark of where i'm out and know what i need to do. ended up taking 4th place and it was tough. i tried not to be disappointed in my time, but it's hard to take running 21's when i ended the season running 19's. but again, a reflection of my training.

first tri of the season is sat. again keeping perspective on my where my training is and trying not to put too much pressure on myself. but at the same time trying keep that mental edge so i don't give up.

i've been pretty grounded lately on most aspects of my life except one. a little rocky on the "man" front. funny, cause i've always been grounded when it comes to men but lately have let myself get a little carried away over one. really need to put that in check to keep the drama out of my life. have no need for it or time for it. just not sure quite how to do that yet. or maybe i do and am just not doing it ...

here's to perspective ...

racing again ...

2008-07-12T12:44:00.002-04:00

headed out to a 5k tonight. it won't be pretty but you have to start somewhere. a long email from my running coach reminded me that i just need to get back out there - in shape or not - and start from right where i'm at and then go from there. he also reminded me how important the mental aspect is to racing. something i'm well aware of but need to be reminded once in awhile. also have my first tri of the season next weekend. that definitely won't be pretty but i'm really looking for to it. it is what i do and for some reason love it. i think my mental state is really coming around and training is also getting much better. which the two really go hand in hand for me - the better my mental state the more i train. the more i train the better i feel. funny how that works.

was offered a promotion a work ... if i want it. more money but with that also comes more work and most likely more stress. but, i know i can do it and that's the most important part.

hanging with one of my close friends tonight that i don't get to see very often ... little backyard BBQing after the race. will be fun!

here's hoping that it won't hurt too bad tonight ... uh, not likely ...

feeling good

2008-06-11T07:11:00.002-04:00

good workouts last night. went for a nice trail run followed by a good swim. i slept like a rock last night! funny, i've had issues sleeping lately and i forget that the best way for me to get a good night sleep is to just wear my ass out! always sleep better if i have worked out.

after thinking i was going to bag to entire racing season, i finally decided to stay in the late season races. the love of training and desire to race is slowly creeping back in ... and i'm glad. i know it's part of me, just lost it for awhile.

celtics lost game 3 ...

monday, monday ...

2008-06-09T06:35:00.003-04:00

it's monday again, but a good weekend. finally started feeling good again at the end of the week training wise. got in a few good workouts, but still totally up to speed. coming around though.

first beach day of the summer!!!! felt good to lay on the beach, relaxing. water was cold, but not too bad for this early in the summer.

off to the links today for my first golf outing. went to the range last week and my swing was pretty good.

beach, golf, sunshine ... summer is in full swing.

UGH!!!!

2008-06-05T07:23:00.004-04:00

i'm so tired of feeling like this!!!! ugh!!!! it's like part of me wants to get out there and train and the other part is pulling me back saying no no no. so hard to sort out all the feelings. i can't decide if i should just give up or fight through it.

i've never been one to give up though. i have been through more shit in my life than the average person and always seem to come out on top. i've always thought of myself as being extremely motivated, persistent, and stubborn ... never giving in, never giving up.

can't handle this struggle much longer. maybe i just need pull my head out and get on with it. oye ...

remembering when ...

2008-06-03T07:26:00.004-04:00

yes, i was sitting on my patio this morning and wondering how exactly i got here. i've been in a slight funk lately and still trying to climb out of it. i think maybe i'm ready. i finally took some advice that was given to me quite awhile back, that i didn't follow, and now wishing i would have done it earlier. i took a complete 10 days off from all exercise. yup, 10 days. unheard of for me. but, i'm finally feeling the motivation return and want to do something.

struggling with having no one at home. funny how i thought i would enjoy it more. i think it is just an adjustment period, but weird. no dog, no kids. i am hoping that as the days pass it gets easier. at least i love my new place and feel very relaxed in it.

off for another day. i wonder what it will bring ...

race morning ...

2008-05-25T07:13:00.005-04:00

so i'm headed to redhook today for a 5K. as the inner struggle to compete continues, i really don't want to go. not a feeling i am comfortable with on race morning, nor a familiar one.

the common phrase that my coach hears from me before almost every race is ringing very true today ... "i'm not really sure how this is going to come out ... "

the move is over ...

2008-05-19T06:56:00.002-04:00

i'm finally moved!!!! i absolutely love my new digs. sitting on my couch, relaxing, and looking around ... just seems so peaceful. i didn't realize how much i disliked my old house until i got moved. have a few unfinished items to take care of but for the most part my life should settle down now.

finding new running and biking routes is always fun and challenging when you move. love running in the cemetery that is very close to my new place. the biking will probably prove to be a bit more challenging. have to deal with a little more traffic than i'm used to, but can still get quickly out to blackstrap which is good biking territory.

hopefully my training will be back on track now. the stress of the move also aided in losing a few my pounds. no more excuses ...

it's monday, again

2008-05-12T07:09:00.002-04:00

got in my early monday morning run, always a good way to start the week. good for the mind, good for the body.

seadog race weekend ... all went well!!!! it's a proud feeling to have the race go off without a hitch. registration went better this year than last, no lines, no back-ups. i think my system is getting better each year. broke another record.

moving day is thursday. how did that get here so fast. i'm so ready to move and get it over with. tired of packing and tired of the boxes. ready to have a new place to call home. i really think my new place is going to feel more like home ... i can just feel it.

i still feel like i'm not totally in sync with my training. keep going back and forth with being on track. maybe once i'm moved i'll settle in. seems like i have a series of good workouts, then fall off track for a few days. what a struggle. whatever it is, i need to get a handle on it cause it's tough on the mental state.

celtics up 2-1 in the second round...

it's friday ...

2008-05-09T07:13:00.003-04:00

normally that would be a good thing but i have so much to do this weekend it doesn't really matter what day of the week it is!

seadog race weekend ... numbers are good. looking at possible rain on sat but clear for race day. busy busy, but i love it. always worry that something may go wrong. so many factors and unknowns. hopefully sun afternoon i can sit back and say "another good race in the books"

training has been good this week so far. hoping that i can still squeeze in my workouts, at least something, over the weekend. just have to keep up the consistency. less than a week till moving day and then training will be much easier.

celtics took the first 2 games of this series. yeah baby.

i have to remember to call my mom on sunday ...

the outlook

2008-05-04T17:14:00.002-04:00

well, the outlook for the next week appears to be, well, f'n busy. hell, the next two weeks ... BUSY!!!!

i did not pack as much as i should have this weekend. the emotional hangover of sending giddy to alaska was worse than i thought. however, running long on the muddy trails this morning helped.
somehow, slogging through a bunch of mud with my girlfriends made me feel better.

celtics finally took the series. never should have taken 7 games. but they left no doubt today.

so ... gotta make past my final which i need to get an A on, not barely, but a sold A. gotta make it past the seadog race weekend. gotta get moved. yup, gotta make it past all that and the outlook will start looking up.

dreading work tomorrow as i have so much to do ...

goodbye to giddy

2008-05-03T11:15:00.002-04:00

had to say goodbye to giddy yesterday and it was much harder than i thought. the guys at northwest cargo were great and at least made all the paperwork part easy. they were so good to giddy and loved him up and played with him the whole time i was getting everything ready.

i cried when i got there, i cried when i left, i cried when i got home. morg called at 2 am to tell me she had him in hand and was headed home ... i cried again. this morning, no better. i have cried at least four times.

doing the right thing and being unselfish isn't always easy. i feel like i just lost my best friend.

goodbye giddy ...

time for myself

2008-04-30T07:17:00.003-04:00

i took a night to myself and it was much needed. after taking giddy to the vet for his final check-up, shots, and to get his health cert for the flight, i came home to do nothing. well, i never really do nothing, but was close. had a bite to eat and then kicked back and watched a movie. caught up on a few emails. watched a bit more TV and then off to bed. a very quiet night at home ... just what i needed.

woke up this morning feeling good and went for a run. i stopped in the field and watched giddy run around. the sun was just up over the trees. as i stood there i realized that was probably my last run with giddy.

i was thinking last night that i will have the opportunity to have a lot more time to myself very soon. i think that is a very good thing.

monday

2008-04-28T07:00:00.002-04:00

oh, the beginning of a new week. schedule is pretty full, again. have appts and obligations outside of work everyday but today - 2 on tues, 2 on wed, 1 on thurs, 1 on fri. sometimes i think, what the hell????

might be a tough week as will be saying good bye to giddy on friday. not sure how i will actually handle it when i put him on the plane to alaska. thinking that i will totally and completely fall apart. going to try to spend as much time as possible with him this week but will be hard with my schedule. hence the reason he is going in the first place. it's hard to be unselfish. best thing for giddy, a really hard thing for me.

i cannot go through another week like last week, so here's to keeping the chin up this week, no matter what!

Race Report and a long week

2008-04-26T17:39:00.002-04:00

raced my first 5k of the year and as always was pretty rough. it's been a tough winter. finished the year last year with a PR, 19:04 and then went into the hardest winters i've ever had as far as motivation goes. i just finally started coming around and training after a bout with the flu that took me out for over a month so the results were to be expected. i didn't like them, but couldn't have expected much more. ended up 3rd female with one of my slowest times in years, 21:02. that will definitely motivate me.

part of my poor performance could be attributed to stress. i have had a very long, stressful week. have a lot going on and the next few weeks will not be much better. trying to stay grounded and focused.

off to watch game 3 of the NBA playoffs ... go celtics.

perspective

2008-04-23T06:53:00.002-04:00

and it was a long day! it took me awhile but i finally gained a little perspective on the situation at hand. once i realized that i was giving this little drama issue - that really has very little to do with me - way too much energy, i was better. i almost made myself sick over it in the morning. it is so stupid to get that wrapped up in something. every time i do this to myself i learn from it and hopefully next time it won't be as bad.

my track workout - oye!!!! 10 x 400 was on the menu at 5K pace or faster. of course i ended up clocking the first one a :90, the second at :89, which only set the pace for the rest. i felt really strong and relaxed though, which is a welcome change. even one of the teammates commented on how smooth i looked last night. but i won't say it didn't hurt, the last 3 were brutal! it's finally coming around. 2.5 miles of intervals at 6 min pace. now let's see how that converts to the 5K this weekend. going to get a benchmark of where i'm at. i hope i like the result.

have a lot going on for the next few weeks. i need to stay grounded and focused. right now, i have a star on the calendar for May 18th - which i should be sitting out on the patio of my new place, totally moved, sea dog race over, finals over, sipping a beer, and relaxing ... knowing that i made it and can finally take a sigh of relief.

my thought today ... life is what we make of it, so make it good.

eeyores and tiggers

2008-04-22T07:01:00.004-04:00

last night my mood deteriorated very fast. i managed to put myself in to a really shitty mood. i woke up this morning the same. hoping that as the day progresses, so does my mood.

my massage therapist told me once the world is made up of eeyores and tiggers. she calls me a tigger. i think she's right. but today, i don't feel like it.

at least i know that i have my track workout tonight. that always puts me in a better mood. however, i hope i don't have to wait until tonight to feel better.

unfortunately, the forecast is a very long day ...

my birthday weekend

2008-04-21T19:17:00.003-04:00

well, my weekend ended up being quite a blast. i was able to hang with my friends both friday and saturday nights, out having a good time. i love my friends ... they're the best.

friday night was shopping and dinner, then a little drinking and dancing.

saturday night was my party! dinner and more drinking and dancing.

sunday morning went running with another friend, then to get coffee, and a nice chat.

monday was off to boston to watch the marathon. our team camps out at mile 22 every year. some run, some watch, it's different every year. i remember my first boston and couldn't wait to hit mile 22 to high five my teammates. this year was the same as past years ... some people looked good and others, well, they were hurting. the face and the legs do not lie!

did spend a bit of time reflecting since i'm another year older. i don't feel old, i don't think i look old, and i certainly don't act old. but, birthdays always make me think a little about what it will be like in 10 years ... where will i be? what will i be doing? my life has taken so many turns in the first 37 years, who knows what the next 10 will bring.

i don't want to dwell on it. my life is good today. really good. except for those few bad days that sneak in, i don't have a lot of complaints. and on those bad days, my friends are always here for me.

another birthday in the books.

looking back ...

2008-04-17T22:02:00.003-04:00

so i was reading through my past posts and i am amazed at how my attitude toward my training did an about face in such a short time. one would think after this many years of competing that i would be used to this. for some reason, this time it just seamed different. guess not.

i was out on my bike tonight ... when i dropped down in my aerobars and was just hammering away on my pedals, it was just amazing. sometimes when i ride it is like the rhythm of my pedal stroke just mesmerizes me. i think i forgot how much i enjoy it. a lot of people don't get it. that fact that i like hammering on my bike, feeling my quads burn, mouth wide open to find all the oxygen possible when climbing the hills ... ahhhhhhh.

so, it wasn't that long ago that i said i was done. nope. game on.

over the wed hump

2008-04-17T07:14:00.003-04:00

made it to thursday! my week was very "top heavy." gave my group presentation at class last night and i do believe we did very well. so glad to get that over with. now just have to take the final and i'm done for the semester.

i have been so slack around my house. i have to buy groceries and do some domestic paperwork stuff by the end of the weekend. ugh. i hate doing stuff like that. and still need keep packing boxes for the move.

training is back in full swing, minus the swimming. but we'll get there. my second track workout of the season went pretty well. clipping off the intervals at 6 min pace reminds me that i can still run. signed up for a 5K next weekend just to get a idea of where i'm at. scary.

no more class or meetings this week, just fun stuff. shopping for a new shirt for my birthday party. AND my birthday party. totally psyched!!!! all my closest friends will be there ... hanging out, drinking, dancing, etc. good times.

4:45 am

2008-04-14T07:18:00.003-04:00

that would be the time my alarm is set for 4 days a week during prime triathlon training. i am happy to say that i think i am finally feeling like training again. it has been a very long, hard winter. hmmm, what a cliche. seriously, what a funk i was in. BUT, the alarm went off this morning at 4:45 am and i didn't even think twice. up and on with the running clothes. feels go to be back at it.

my big presentation for class is this week. 40% of my grade. makes me nervous. a couple hours in the library again tonight should help.

and so i begin another week ...

my first bike

2008-04-13T07:55:00.002-04:00

i took my bike out yesterday for my first ride on the spring. amazing. you forget how good it feels to be out on the road and not attached to your trainer. my motivation for training is slowing coming back and i am getting ready to head out for a 10 mile run with the girls.

managed to get 10 hours of sleep last night; i really needed it.

as far as the rest of my life, well, things are pretty good. trying to make it through the next 6 weeks with a lot going on and keeping my head on straight.

the sun's out, again. nice.

spring is in the air

2008-04-11T07:05:00.003-04:00

the snow is almost gone, the temps are rising, and it is starting to smell and feel like spring. i noticed that the street sweepers cleaned my neighborhood this week. makes me really want to get my road bike out and take her for a spin.

tonight - seadog home opener. baseball season, it is a wonderful thing!!!! forecast is rain and i'm hoping it is wrong.

i have made it an entire week with no beer and have lost several pounds already ... what a concept.

other than wednesday being an absolutely horrible day, this week has been good. the weekend calls for rain so maybe i'll be forced to stay in and get some things done.

happy friday.

time to take it off

2008-04-08T06:41:00.004-04:00

after getting on my scale yesterday morning and seeing a number that i don't ever remember seeing for almost 8 years, i decided i better start doing something. funny how all it takes is something as simple as that ... i wasn't upset, actually i laughed - out loud - and was then like, okay time to get serious.

i usually don't have any problems loosing weight once i decide to do it. the rules are simple.

1. stop eating outside the box!!!! cut back on the carbs and no junk.
2. exercise 2x day. even if one is just taking a walk. have to rev the metabolism in the morning and evening.
3. have to start doing abs every day.
4. drink more water
5. no beer. wine or maybe a mixed drink, but no beer.

that's it. easy.

a new chapter maybe

2008-04-06T11:28:00.002-04:00

well, i'm thinking i have reached a different chapter in my life. seems i've had a lot through the years, good and bad. life is good today. i am probably enjoying life more now than i ever have. my priorities have changed. after almost 7 years of being married to my workout schedule, it has somehow been put on the back burner. i like working out, mostly because i like to look good, but lately being able to workout without a purpose has been great. just exercise, no repeats on the track, no intervals on the bike, no repeat 100s in the pool ... just go for a run. and not beating myself up for missing a workout, another plus.

there is so much to do in life and i think i want to spend more energy finding new things. i'm tired of missing out on a lot of fun times and new adventures just because i have to get up and run or bike or swim. OR, just too plain tired from a 5 hr brick workout to see my friends.

so, not totally leaving the old behind but it definitely is not my priority and i'm okay with that today.

it was a long day ...

2008-04-03T23:18:00.006-04:00

i got home too late last night and had to get up too early. started my day at the eye doctor to get my contacts checked spend even more $$$$. off to work and the fellow that i work with is driving me f'n crazy. seriously. i have worked with this man for 4 1/2 years and i know him pretty well. he is in what i like to call "panic mode." unfortunately, when this happens i feel i take the brunt of his actions. my supervisor came by today and said, "deep breath." no shit ... ugh!!!!

came home and went for a run. it didn't feel good at all. and somewhere between trying to finish up at work and get ready to go to the movies i had a barrage of text messages from the boy. so off to the movies to see run fat boy run. i anticipated stupid and funny and that's what i got. had to make a quick stop for one beer and a chat with a friend. another stop at blockbuster, then the grocery store, then finally home at 10:30. and now i'm on my computer.

looking forward to tomorrow being friday. hanging with my best friend at sebago ... hefe weizen comes out tomorrow and the red sox are playing. i think the rest of the regulars will be there too ... good times.

i've done a lot of "thinking" about my life lately. where i am, where i am going, and it seems like i have a lot of changes going on. not sure what to do them right now ... so i'm not doing anything. i am trying to just be ... which isn't an easy task for me. this will be another post in the near future ... most likely a long post.

off to bed.

"charles"

2008-04-03T23:14:00.003-04:00

so every time i go to sebago, which is a little too often, charles is there. he is an eccentric fellow. long gray hair and gray beard. he always has on a tie, but not with a collared shirt, and beads. yes, beads ... like mardi gras beads. he teaches in the theater department and has a knowledge of literature, religion, politics. he is never at a loss for words and likes a good conversation. although wednesday night he couldn't remember my name, but then quickly confessed he has drank a little too much. that normally isn't the case.

he frequents the establishment, not to drink a lot, but for the social aspect.

charles is sitting at the bar every time i go it ... a regular.

stress is out

2008-04-02T07:08:00.003-04:00

i woke up this morning when the alarm went off and just rolled out of bed and went for a run. after 5 days of doing absolutely nothing i think i was ready. wow, a welcome change.

on my run this morning i decided that i'm done with stress. i know, easier said than done right? well, i thought about it my whole run and it's time to start taking steps to eliminate the stress in my life. i realize that some of it is just there, but some we can choose to get rid of and the rest depends on how we deal with it. funny how one day you can just wake up and say, "i'm done. life is too short and i want to enjoy it again."

i feel good today and it's about time.

and so it begins ...

2008-04-01T08:19:00.001-04:00

i officially withdrew from my first triathlon today. hoping that will lessen the stress and pressure i'm feeling about training. hopefully that will be the only one ...

the part of your life no one sees

2008-03-31T23:10:00.002-04:00

day in an day out, i'm up and go to work. i'm like a fixture at work. always there, always on time, always working hard, always doing my job. i don't show a lot of emotion at work. i just go and do my job. i remember when i went through my divorce and it was really nasty and really messy and no one knew except the girl that sat in the cube right across from me. and only because she would see me cry once in awhile.

unfortunately, other experiences of stress and hurt have given me this uncanny ability to hide my emotions so that no one sees. i don't really like letting people in. i wonder if that is good or bad.

today, the part of my life that no one sees is the constant struggle with my son. this school year has been the worst year ever and has only gotten worse. the only people that really know what i deal with day to day are my two best friends and my daughter. the only people that i can tell anything too and not worry. tonight was an all time low in the beginning and then somehow turned the corner and might possibly be the start of something good. i really hope so because i was starting to think i was never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. both my friends dropped everything to be here for me tonight. i can't even begin to thank them for all they've done for me lately. i really don't think i would make it through this without them.

here's to the glimmer of hope that maybe things might get better from here ...

doing what makes you happy

2008-03-30T08:49:00.003-04:00

i'm in trouble as i blew off the race and am headed to go ski ...

i've been having this internal struggle with my continuation of being a competitive athlete. i am enjoying my life and doing a lot of new things. a lot of variety. for the past few years my training has been like a second job and i'm just tired. most of my fellow triathletes just tell me not to worry and it will pass and blah blah blah. i don't really think they listen or understand.

at this point i'm doing what makes me happy and not what everyone expects me to do. good or bad, right or wrong, it is what it is. but i'm still not sure how this will come out in the end. hmmm, guess we never do though.