Monday, March 31, 2008

the part of your life no one sees

day in an day out, i'm up and go to work. i'm like a fixture at work. always there, always on time, always working hard, always doing my job. i don't show a lot of emotion at work. i just go and do my job. i remember when i went through my divorce and it was really nasty and really messy and no one knew except the girl that sat in the cube right across from me. and only because she would see me cry once in awhile.

unfortunately, other experiences of stress and hurt have given me this uncanny ability to hide my emotions so that no one sees. i don't really like letting people in. i wonder if that is good or bad.

today, the part of my life that no one sees is the constant struggle with my son. this school year has been the worst year ever and has only gotten worse. the only people that really know what i deal with day to day are my two best friends and my daughter. the only people that i can tell anything too and not worry. tonight was an all time low in the beginning and then somehow turned the corner and might possibly be the start of something good. i really hope so because i was starting to think i was never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. both my friends dropped everything to be here for me tonight. i can't even begin to thank them for all they've done for me lately. i really don't think i would make it through this without them.

here's to the glimmer of hope that maybe things might get better from here ...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

doing what makes you happy

i'm in trouble as i blew off the race and am headed to go ski ...

i've been having this internal struggle with my continuation of being a competitive athlete. i am enjoying my life and doing a lot of new things. a lot of variety. for the past few years my training has been like a second job and i'm just tired. most of my fellow triathletes just tell me not to worry and it will pass and blah blah blah. i don't really think they listen or understand.

at this point i'm doing what makes me happy and not what everyone expects me to do. good or bad, right or wrong, it is what it is. but i'm still not sure how this will come out in the end. hmmm, guess we never do though.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

i'm tired

so i helped my best friend move her stuff out of her westend apartment and into a storage space today. in about 6 weeks we will be moving my stuff out of my house and into my new townhouse. then in 6 more weeks we will be moving her stuff out of the storage space and into her new apartment. way too much moving. i only had 5 hours of sleep last night and after helping her move i came home and packed boxes for a couple of hours. my house is starting to really look like a mess but at least i have an excuse!

backing up, i had to drag my son out of bed this morning to get him to his saturday detention. always a struggle. this phase my son is in is wearing on me and i'm actually looking forward to his departure for the summer. it has been a very long, very hard, very stressful school year. less than 3 months until school is out and he is off to alaska. i really need a break.

i struggled being motivated to work out today and with good reason after thinking what i did. so as of right now i have done nothing. i'm drinking coffee and getting ready to take shower #2 today to see if it won't wake me up. i probably just need to go to bed early and start tomorrow a new day. i'm suppose to be racing in the morning but at this point can't see that happening.

Friday, March 28, 2008

it's friday

friday's are great. although it does bring me to the weekend when i usually have a ton of stuff that i have to do that never gets done during the week. always busy.

i woke up to snow this morning and while most people were probably cursing under their breath, i was smiling and thinking i wonder if i can sneak in one more ski this weekend ... ???? i'm thinking yes!

my run last night was still a struggle. not sure what the issue is but i hope it goes away soon. have a low-key 5K to run sunday. only because one of my friends is the race director and need to support him.

off to the movies tonight and drinks with a friend. good times.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

my life today

my life today is good. i am finally over a nasty flu bug that really put a kink in my life for a bit. my tri training is better ... only doing "one a days" this week but that is better than not much of anything for almost 3 weeks. i don't need that in my training as i have way too much competition this year. first tri is less than 2 months away. i still need to take off some weight ... a few unwanted pounds that have taken up residency on my butt and thighs.

moving day is fast approaching and although the actual act of moving sucks, the fact that i am moving is awesome. this is going to be so much better for my life. just a few of the +'s ... close to work, close to the pool, close to my son's new school, close to campus, closer to almost everything i do. my son switching schools is going to be such a great thing and will probably relieve the biggest stress in my life. not to mention that i will save large amounts of money on gas and it will eliminate having to pay tuition for my son. i can't wait to decorate my new digs. i never wanted to do anything in the house i'm in now as it never felt like home. i have lived in this house for two years and there are no pictures on the wall. what does that say?

i'm getting contacts today. been wanting them for over a year and very excited about it! hmmm, i think i want ones that color my eyes ... maybe just a little more blue.