Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Kennebunk Race Report

Kennebunk Sprint Tri was on Sunday. Coming off a week of having an ear infection and on meds and almost no training. I was actually excited to race but a little worried given the sickness and not sure how my body would react.

The swim went well. I actually enjoyed the ocean swim and the waves and felt pretty good. Quick transition at T1 and out on the bike. The course was relatively flat and felt pretty good during most of the bike. My left elbow rest came loose again. I had fixed it Sat night but obviously not good enough. It didn't really effect me, just slightly annoying. Another quick transition at T2 and out on the run. The first mile was a little tough. That is to be expected as I haven't done many brick workouts this year. Started to settle in after that and finished strong.

The story on this race though was my perspective. I had a great day. I love the race atmosphere, enjoyed seeing all my tri friends, and had a great time racing. BUT, all that went out the window as soon as the results were posted. When I saw how slow I was and finished way out of any awards, my heart just sank. Now, I have no reason to feel this way. I have not trained up to standard this year at all. In fact, almost quit racing this year altogether. My drive home was rough. I actually cried, which for me is out of character. I'm the "no emotion" queen ya know.

I now have realized -(well I think I already knew)- that I am not the kind of person that can do anything half way. I either need to be a competitive triathlete and train like one or quit. One or the other, no in between. I don't know if this is what I needed to figure that out but looking back I am glad this happened. I have learned a lot about myself this season. Hope I can take this forward into next season and be ready to totally get it on ...

Monday, August 11, 2008

Wildman race report

I was nervous for this race, not sure why. I get nervous sometimes for big races but this wasn't one of those. Anyway, watching the rain all week got me wondering if was going to have to race in bad conditions. At the last minute, I took a friend up on his offer to crash in North Conway the night before. So, packed up on Friday night I headed to NH. Arrived at about 7:45 and then stopped in at Moat Mountain for one beer and a little extra food. A quick chat with Bill and then off to bed. Watched the opening games of the Olympics for awhile then tried to sleep. Didn't sleep well at all, then up at 5.

We dropped my truck off at the base of Wildcat Mtn and headed to Shelburne. Registration and set-up was a breeze. Warm-up went well. First leg - 10K run. Tried to run steady but conservative, clocked at 45 and change and was in 2nd place. Second leg - 22.3 mile bike. The first 7 mile loop was rolling but not too bad. Up Route 2 then onto Rte 16. The last 7 miles was a very long gradual climb up to the base of Wildcat. My legs started to really feel it the last 4 miles and was ready to get off my bike. I slowed and was passed by 6 females leaving me in 8th place. (Note to self - need to work on my hill climbing on the bike.) Third leg - 3 mile run up Wildcat Mtn. Transition didn't feel too bad until we started to hit some of those grades that were 20%+. Steep enough at points that at fast hike/walk is all you could do. So, walk-run all the way up, passing 2 females on the way. Crossed the line in 2:59 and in 6th place. Good effort!

A BIG thank you to Bill for being my tri-sherpa ... from making my coffee at 5 am, shuffling my stuff from T1 to T2, for taking what seemed to be 100 photos during the race, and for being at the top with warm clothes! You're amazing!

Another race in the books and feels REALLY good to be back at it ...

Monday, August 4, 2008

there are two people in this world ...

yes, those who are positive and those who are negative. those who make things happen and those who just sit back and watch life go by.

a couple of recent events have really brought this to my attention lately. a good friend of mine recently complimented me by saying how much he admired me for what i had accomplished in my life through hard work. then, i had a conversation with another friend of mine who is really down and very negative. it was hard to take because she is scared of failure which is inhibiting her from stepping out of the dark cloud she is under to find something better. although i try to be very supportive, i realize that she has to possess that "something" inside her that allows her to make the conscious decision to step up and face the challenges.

i am so grateful that my parents raised me constantly telling me to be positive. to know that i could do anything i wanted if i worked hard and was motivated. they instilled a "can do" attitude that has helped me through many hard times. yes, i get scared sometimes but for some reason i always know that i will be okay. the outcome may not always be my choice, but if you don't take a chance you will never get anywhere. i've had many highs and lows through my life but always step up to the challenge. when life is hard you just work harder. as they say, you have to try and if you fail, just pick yourself up and try again. never give up.

thanks mom and dad ...

Monday, July 21, 2008

monday again ...

beginning of a new week. feeling good all around. am tired and a bit sore from a weekend of racing and training, but it's a good feeling.

spent a good part of the weekend to myself and did quite a bit of thinking. feeling on track with my training and that is really good. really good for my mental state! finished up my race schedule for the rest of the season and looking forward to it.

did some more thinking about my new position at work and am excited to get started. there's a little bit of work to do to get everything in place but ready to hit the ground running.

also did some thinking about the issue i had with a relationship lately. being so ungrounded about the situation caused me to act in a way that is totally out of character for me. it has been a little tough because i know i ruined a really good thing but luckily this man is very gracious and our friendship is still in tact. i still look back and wonder what the hell i was thinking. anyway, i don't like to get caught up in the little stuff and feel that i have put it all in perspective and have let it go. what's done is done and time to move on. feeling very grounded now about it all, which is a good feeling. funny how much perspective you can gain once you actually remove yourself from the situation. too bad i couldn't have seen that while i was in it. still have a slight feeling of regret, but know that it will pass. i spent way too much energy on the situation anyway and it's time for that energy to be focused elsewhere.

ready to tackle another week ...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

tri race report

my day started a little after 5 am and went through the typical pre-race routine ... shower, coffee, packing, etc. my friend picked me up at 6am and we were off. arrived on time, picked up my bib, and set up my transition spot. shortly after found that wetsuits would not be allowed. this really didn't bother me too much as i don't mind swimming without one.

wasn't too nervous today, which was good. did a quick run warm-up, listened to the pre-race meeting, then headed to the lake for a swim warm-up. water was nice!!!! soon the race was off. right off the bat i took a few steps, dolphined, and hit a rock right on the left hip bone! duh! swim felt good. long run back to the transition. switched up and off on my bike. bike had several challenging hills, but also some nice downhills were i hit over 40 mph. nice rest before heading into T2. switched up again and then almost ran the wrong way out of the zone. not sure how i did that, blond moment i guess. felt good on the run, but think i could have pushed it more. finished 5th female and 1st in my age group. not bad for not being in peak racing shape and my first tri of the season. i'll take it.

thoughts ... still have some work to do but am really ready to do it. racing was fun!!!! that is a good feeling, one that i wasn't sure i'd have again ...

Thursday, July 17, 2008


well, things are going along status quo. work is good and training is good. more excited about racing than i have been in months. lost a few pounds too.

quick race run down ... the 5k last weekend went okay. result was what i would expect given my current training. i now have a benchmark of where i'm out and know what i need to do. ended up taking 4th place and it was tough. i tried not to be disappointed in my time, but it's hard to take running 21's when i ended the season running 19's. but again, a reflection of my training.

first tri of the season is sat. again keeping perspective on my where my training is and trying not to put too much pressure on myself. but at the same time trying keep that mental edge so i don't give up.

i've been pretty grounded lately on most aspects of my life except one. a little rocky on the "man" front. funny, cause i've always been grounded when it comes to men but lately have let myself get a little carried away over one. really need to put that in check to keep the drama out of my life. have no need for it or time for it. just not sure quite how to do that yet. or maybe i do and am just not doing it ...

here's to perspective ...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

racing again ...

headed out to a 5k tonight. it won't be pretty but you have to start somewhere. a long email from my running coach reminded me that i just need to get back out there - in shape or not - and start from right where i'm at and then go from there. he also reminded me how important the mental aspect is to racing. something i'm well aware of but need to be reminded once in awhile. also have my first tri of the season next weekend. that definitely won't be pretty but i'm really looking for to it. it is what i do and for some reason love it. i think my mental state is really coming around and training is also getting much better. which the two really go hand in hand for me - the better my mental state the more i train. the more i train the better i feel. funny how that works.

was offered a promotion a work ... if i want it. more money but with that also comes more work and most likely more stress. but, i know i can do it and that's the most important part.

hanging with one of my close friends tonight that i don't get to see very often ... little backyard BBQing after the race. will be fun!

here's hoping that it won't hurt too bad tonight ... uh, not likely ...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

feeling good

good workouts last night. went for a nice trail run followed by a good swim. i slept like a rock last night! funny, i've had issues sleeping lately and i forget that the best way for me to get a good night sleep is to just wear my ass out! always sleep better if i have worked out.

after thinking i was going to bag to entire racing season, i finally decided to stay in the late season races. the love of training and desire to race is slowly creeping back in ... and i'm glad. i know it's part of me, just lost it for awhile.

celtics lost game 3 ...

Monday, June 9, 2008

monday, monday ...

it's monday again, but a good weekend. finally started feeling good again at the end of the week training wise. got in a few good workouts, but still totally up to speed. coming around though.

first beach day of the summer!!!! felt good to lay on the beach, relaxing. water was cold, but not too bad for this early in the summer.

off to the links today for my first golf outing. went to the range last week and my swing was pretty good.

beach, golf, sunshine ... summer is in full swing.

Thursday, June 5, 2008


i'm so tired of feeling like this!!!! ugh!!!! it's like part of me wants to get out there and train and the other part is pulling me back saying no no no. so hard to sort out all the feelings. i can't decide if i should just give up or fight through it.

i've never been one to give up though. i have been through more shit in my life than the average person and always seem to come out on top. i've always thought of myself as being extremely motivated, persistent, and stubborn ... never giving in, never giving up.

can't handle this struggle much longer. maybe i just need pull my head out and get on with it. oye ...

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

remembering when ...

yes, i was sitting on my patio this morning and wondering how exactly i got here. i've been in a slight funk lately and still trying to climb out of it. i think maybe i'm ready. i finally took some advice that was given to me quite awhile back, that i didn't follow, and now wishing i would have done it earlier. i took a complete 10 days off from all exercise. yup, 10 days. unheard of for me. but, i'm finally feeling the motivation return and want to do something.

struggling with having no one at home. funny how i thought i would enjoy it more. i think it is just an adjustment period, but weird. no dog, no kids. i am hoping that as the days pass it gets easier. at least i love my new place and feel very relaxed in it.

off for another day. i wonder what it will bring ...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

race morning ...

so i'm headed to redhook today for a 5K. as the inner struggle to compete continues, i really don't want to go. not a feeling i am comfortable with on race morning, nor a familiar one.

the common phrase that my coach hears from me before almost every race is ringing very true today ... "i'm not really sure how this is going to come out ... "

Monday, May 19, 2008

the move is over ...

i'm finally moved!!!! i absolutely love my new digs. sitting on my couch, relaxing, and looking around ... just seems so peaceful. i didn't realize how much i disliked my old house until i got moved. have a few unfinished items to take care of but for the most part my life should settle down now.

finding new running and biking routes is always fun and challenging when you move. love running in the cemetery that is very close to my new place. the biking will probably prove to be a bit more challenging. have to deal with a little more traffic than i'm used to, but can still get quickly out to blackstrap which is good biking territory.

hopefully my training will be back on track now. the stress of the move also aided in losing a few my pounds. no more excuses ...

Monday, May 12, 2008

it's monday, again

got in my early monday morning run, always a good way to start the week. good for the mind, good for the body.

seadog race weekend ... all went well!!!! it's a proud feeling to have the race go off without a hitch. registration went better this year than last, no lines, no back-ups. i think my system is getting better each year. broke another record.

moving day is thursday. how did that get here so fast. i'm so ready to move and get it over with. tired of packing and tired of the boxes. ready to have a new place to call home. i really think my new place is going to feel more like home ... i can just feel it.

i still feel like i'm not totally in sync with my training. keep going back and forth with being on track. maybe once i'm moved i'll settle in. seems like i have a series of good workouts, then fall off track for a few days. what a struggle. whatever it is, i need to get a handle on it cause it's tough on the mental state.

celtics up 2-1 in the second round...

Friday, May 9, 2008

it's friday ...

normally that would be a good thing but i have so much to do this weekend it doesn't really matter what day of the week it is!

seadog race weekend ... numbers are good. looking at possible rain on sat but clear for race day. busy busy, but i love it. always worry that something may go wrong. so many factors and unknowns. hopefully sun afternoon i can sit back and say "another good race in the books"

training has been good this week so far. hoping that i can still squeeze in my workouts, at least something, over the weekend. just have to keep up the consistency. less than a week till moving day and then training will be much easier.

celtics took the first 2 games of this series. yeah baby.

i have to remember to call my mom on sunday ...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

the outlook

well, the outlook for the next week appears to be, well, f'n busy. hell, the next two weeks ... BUSY!!!!

i did not pack as much as i should have this weekend. the emotional hangover of sending giddy to alaska was worse than i thought. however, running long on the muddy trails this morning helped.
somehow, slogging through a bunch of mud with my girlfriends made me feel better.

celtics finally took the series. never should have taken 7 games. but they left no doubt today.

so ... gotta make past my final which i need to get an A on, not barely, but a sold A. gotta make it past the seadog race weekend. gotta get moved. yup, gotta make it past all that and the outlook will start looking up.

dreading work tomorrow as i have so much to do ...

Saturday, May 3, 2008

goodbye to giddy

had to say goodbye to giddy yesterday and it was much harder than i thought. the guys at northwest cargo were great and at least made all the paperwork part easy. they were so good to giddy and loved him up and played with him the whole time i was getting everything ready.

i cried when i got there, i cried when i left, i cried when i got home. morg called at 2 am to tell me she had him in hand and was headed home ... i cried again. this morning, no better. i have cried at least four times.

doing the right thing and being unselfish isn't always easy. i feel like i just lost my best friend.

goodbye giddy ...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

time for myself

i took a night to myself and it was much needed. after taking giddy to the vet for his final check-up, shots, and to get his health cert for the flight, i came home to do nothing. well, i never really do nothing, but was close. had a bite to eat and then kicked back and watched a movie. caught up on a few emails. watched a bit more TV and then off to bed. a very quiet night at home ... just what i needed.

woke up this morning feeling good and went for a run. i stopped in the field and watched giddy run around. the sun was just up over the trees. as i stood there i realized that was probably my last run with giddy.

i was thinking last night that i will have the opportunity to have a lot more time to myself very soon. i think that is a very good thing.

Monday, April 28, 2008


oh, the beginning of a new week. schedule is pretty full, again. have appts and obligations outside of work everyday but today - 2 on tues, 2 on wed, 1 on thurs, 1 on fri. sometimes i think, what the hell????

might be a tough week as will be saying good bye to giddy on friday. not sure how i will actually handle it when i put him on the plane to alaska. thinking that i will totally and completely fall apart. going to try to spend as much time as possible with him this week but will be hard with my schedule. hence the reason he is going in the first place. it's hard to be unselfish. best thing for giddy, a really hard thing for me.

i cannot go through another week like last week, so here's to keeping the chin up this week, no matter what!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Race Report and a long week

raced my first 5k of the year and as always was pretty rough. it's been a tough winter. finished the year last year with a PR, 19:04 and then went into the hardest winters i've ever had as far as motivation goes. i just finally started coming around and training after a bout with the flu that took me out for over a month so the results were to be expected. i didn't like them, but couldn't have expected much more. ended up 3rd female with one of my slowest times in years, 21:02. that will definitely motivate me.

part of my poor performance could be attributed to stress. i have had a very long, stressful week. have a lot going on and the next few weeks will not be much better. trying to stay grounded and focused.

off to watch game 3 of the NBA playoffs ... go celtics.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


and it was a long day! it took me awhile but i finally gained a little perspective on the situation at hand. once i realized that i was giving this little drama issue - that really has very little to do with me - way too much energy, i was better. i almost made myself sick over it in the morning. it is so stupid to get that wrapped up in something. every time i do this to myself i learn from it and hopefully next time it won't be as bad.

my track workout - oye!!!! 10 x 400 was on the menu at 5K pace or faster. of course i ended up clocking the first one a :90, the second at :89, which only set the pace for the rest. i felt really strong and relaxed though, which is a welcome change. even one of the teammates commented on how smooth i looked last night. but i won't say it didn't hurt, the last 3 were brutal! it's finally coming around. 2.5 miles of intervals at 6 min pace. now let's see how that converts to the 5K this weekend. going to get a benchmark of where i'm at. i hope i like the result.

have a lot going on for the next few weeks. i need to stay grounded and focused. right now, i have a star on the calendar for May 18th - which i should be sitting out on the patio of my new place, totally moved, sea dog race over, finals over, sipping a beer, and relaxing ... knowing that i made it and can finally take a sigh of relief.

my thought today ... life is what we make of it, so make it good.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

eeyores and tiggers

last night my mood deteriorated very fast. i managed to put myself in to a really shitty mood. i woke up this morning the same. hoping that as the day progresses, so does my mood.

my massage therapist told me once the world is made up of eeyores and tiggers. she calls me a tigger. i think she's right. but today, i don't feel like it.

at least i know that i have my track workout tonight. that always puts me in a better mood. however, i hope i don't have to wait until tonight to feel better.

unfortunately, the forecast is a very long day ...

Monday, April 21, 2008

my birthday weekend

well, my weekend ended up being quite a blast. i was able to hang with my friends both friday and saturday nights, out having a good time. i love my friends ... they're the best.

friday night was shopping and dinner, then a little drinking and dancing.

saturday night was my party! dinner and more drinking and dancing.

sunday morning went running with another friend, then to get coffee, and a nice chat.

monday was off to boston to watch the marathon. our team camps out at mile 22 every year. some run, some watch, it's different every year. i remember my first boston and couldn't wait to hit mile 22 to high five my teammates. this year was the same as past years ... some people looked good and others, well, they were hurting. the face and the legs do not lie!

did spend a bit of time reflecting since i'm another year older. i don't feel old, i don't think i look old, and i certainly don't act old. but, birthdays always make me think a little about what it will be like in 10 years ... where will i be? what will i be doing? my life has taken so many turns in the first 37 years, who knows what the next 10 will bring.

i don't want to dwell on it. my life is good today. really good. except for those few bad days that sneak in, i don't have a lot of complaints. and on those bad days, my friends are always here for me.

another birthday in the books.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

looking back ...

so i was reading through my past posts and i am amazed at how my attitude toward my training did an about face in such a short time. one would think after this many years of competing that i would be used to this. for some reason, this time it just seamed different. guess not.

i was out on my bike tonight ... when i dropped down in my aerobars and was just hammering away on my pedals, it was just amazing. sometimes when i ride it is like the rhythm of my pedal stroke just mesmerizes me. i think i forgot how much i enjoy it. a lot of people don't get it. that fact that i like hammering on my bike, feeling my quads burn, mouth wide open to find all the oxygen possible when climbing the hills ... ahhhhhhh.

so, it wasn't that long ago that i said i was done. nope. game on.

over the wed hump

made it to thursday! my week was very "top heavy." gave my group presentation at class last night and i do believe we did very well. so glad to get that over with. now just have to take the final and i'm done for the semester.

i have been so slack around my house. i have to buy groceries and do some domestic paperwork stuff by the end of the weekend. ugh. i hate doing stuff like that. and still need keep packing boxes for the move.

training is back in full swing, minus the swimming. but we'll get there. my second track workout of the season went pretty well. clipping off the intervals at 6 min pace reminds me that i can still run. signed up for a 5K next weekend just to get a idea of where i'm at. scary.

no more class or meetings this week, just fun stuff. shopping for a new shirt for my birthday party. AND my birthday party. totally psyched!!!! all my closest friends will be there ... hanging out, drinking, dancing, etc. good times.

Monday, April 14, 2008

4:45 am

that would be the time my alarm is set for 4 days a week during prime triathlon training. i am happy to say that i think i am finally feeling like training again. it has been a very long, hard winter. hmmm, what a cliche. seriously, what a funk i was in. BUT, the alarm went off this morning at 4:45 am and i didn't even think twice. up and on with the running clothes. feels go to be back at it.

my big presentation for class is this week. 40% of my grade. makes me nervous. a couple hours in the library again tonight should help.

and so i begin another week ...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

my first bike

i took my bike out yesterday for my first ride on the spring. amazing. you forget how good it feels to be out on the road and not attached to your trainer. my motivation for training is slowing coming back and i am getting ready to head out for a 10 mile run with the girls.

managed to get 10 hours of sleep last night; i really needed it.

as far as the rest of my life, well, things are pretty good. trying to make it through the next 6 weeks with a lot going on and keeping my head on straight.

the sun's out, again. nice.

Friday, April 11, 2008

spring is in the air

the snow is almost gone, the temps are rising, and it is starting to smell and feel like spring. i noticed that the street sweepers cleaned my neighborhood this week. makes me really want to get my road bike out and take her for a spin.

tonight - seadog home opener. baseball season, it is a wonderful thing!!!! forecast is rain and i'm hoping it is wrong.

i have made it an entire week with no beer and have lost several pounds already ... what a concept.

other than wednesday being an absolutely horrible day, this week has been good. the weekend calls for rain so maybe i'll be forced to stay in and get some things done.

happy friday.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

time to take it off

after getting on my scale yesterday morning and seeing a number that i don't ever remember seeing for almost 8 years, i decided i better start doing something. funny how all it takes is something as simple as that ... i wasn't upset, actually i laughed - out loud - and was then like, okay time to get serious.

i usually don't have any problems loosing weight once i decide to do it. the rules are simple.

1. stop eating outside the box!!!! cut back on the carbs and no junk.
2. exercise 2x day. even if one is just taking a walk. have to rev the metabolism in the morning and evening.
3. have to start doing abs every day.
4. drink more water
5. no beer. wine or maybe a mixed drink, but no beer.

that's it. easy.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

a new chapter maybe

well, i'm thinking i have reached a different chapter in my life. seems i've had a lot through the years, good and bad. life is good today. i am probably enjoying life more now than i ever have. my priorities have changed. after almost 7 years of being married to my workout schedule, it has somehow been put on the back burner. i like working out, mostly because i like to look good, but lately being able to workout without a purpose has been great. just exercise, no repeats on the track, no intervals on the bike, no repeat 100s in the pool ... just go for a run. and not beating myself up for missing a workout, another plus.

there is so much to do in life and i think i want to spend more energy finding new things. i'm tired of missing out on a lot of fun times and new adventures just because i have to get up and run or bike or swim. OR, just too plain tired from a 5 hr brick workout to see my friends.

so, not totally leaving the old behind but it definitely is not my priority and i'm okay with that today.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

it was a long day ...

i got home too late last night and had to get up too early. started my day at the eye doctor to get my contacts checked spend even more $$$$. off to work and the fellow that i work with is driving me f'n crazy. seriously. i have worked with this man for 4 1/2 years and i know him pretty well. he is in what i like to call "panic mode." unfortunately, when this happens i feel i take the brunt of his actions. my supervisor came by today and said, "deep breath." no shit ... ugh!!!!

came home and went for a run. it didn't feel good at all. and somewhere between trying to finish up at work and get ready to go to the movies i had a barrage of text messages from the boy. so off to the movies to see run fat boy run. i anticipated stupid and funny and that's what i got. had to make a quick stop for one beer and a chat with a friend. another stop at blockbuster, then the grocery store, then finally home at 10:30. and now i'm on my computer.

looking forward to tomorrow being friday. hanging with my best friend at sebago ... hefe weizen comes out tomorrow and the red sox are playing. i think the rest of the regulars will be there too ... good times.

i've done a lot of "thinking" about my life lately. where i am, where i am going, and it seems like i have a lot of changes going on. not sure what to do them right now ... so i'm not doing anything. i am trying to just be ... which isn't an easy task for me. this will be another post in the near future ... most likely a long post.

off to bed.


so every time i go to sebago, which is a little too often, charles is there. he is an eccentric fellow. long gray hair and gray beard. he always has on a tie, but not with a collared shirt, and beads. yes, beads ... like mardi gras beads. he teaches in the theater department and has a knowledge of literature, religion, politics. he is never at a loss for words and likes a good conversation. although wednesday night he couldn't remember my name, but then quickly confessed he has drank a little too much. that normally isn't the case.

he frequents the establishment, not to drink a lot, but for the social aspect.

charles is sitting at the bar every time i go it ... a regular.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

stress is out

i woke up this morning when the alarm went off and just rolled out of bed and went for a run. after 5 days of doing absolutely nothing i think i was ready. wow, a welcome change.

on my run this morning i decided that i'm done with stress. i know, easier said than done right? well, i thought about it my whole run and it's time to start taking steps to eliminate the stress in my life. i realize that some of it is just there, but some we can choose to get rid of and the rest depends on how we deal with it. funny how one day you can just wake up and say, "i'm done. life is too short and i want to enjoy it again."

i feel good today and it's about time.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

and so it begins ...

i officially withdrew from my first triathlon today. hoping that will lessen the stress and pressure i'm feeling about training. hopefully that will be the only one ...

Monday, March 31, 2008

the part of your life no one sees

day in an day out, i'm up and go to work. i'm like a fixture at work. always there, always on time, always working hard, always doing my job. i don't show a lot of emotion at work. i just go and do my job. i remember when i went through my divorce and it was really nasty and really messy and no one knew except the girl that sat in the cube right across from me. and only because she would see me cry once in awhile.

unfortunately, other experiences of stress and hurt have given me this uncanny ability to hide my emotions so that no one sees. i don't really like letting people in. i wonder if that is good or bad.

today, the part of my life that no one sees is the constant struggle with my son. this school year has been the worst year ever and has only gotten worse. the only people that really know what i deal with day to day are my two best friends and my daughter. the only people that i can tell anything too and not worry. tonight was an all time low in the beginning and then somehow turned the corner and might possibly be the start of something good. i really hope so because i was starting to think i was never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. both my friends dropped everything to be here for me tonight. i can't even begin to thank them for all they've done for me lately. i really don't think i would make it through this without them.

here's to the glimmer of hope that maybe things might get better from here ...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

doing what makes you happy

i'm in trouble as i blew off the race and am headed to go ski ...

i've been having this internal struggle with my continuation of being a competitive athlete. i am enjoying my life and doing a lot of new things. a lot of variety. for the past few years my training has been like a second job and i'm just tired. most of my fellow triathletes just tell me not to worry and it will pass and blah blah blah. i don't really think they listen or understand.

at this point i'm doing what makes me happy and not what everyone expects me to do. good or bad, right or wrong, it is what it is. but i'm still not sure how this will come out in the end. hmmm, guess we never do though.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

i'm tired

so i helped my best friend move her stuff out of her westend apartment and into a storage space today. in about 6 weeks we will be moving my stuff out of my house and into my new townhouse. then in 6 more weeks we will be moving her stuff out of the storage space and into her new apartment. way too much moving. i only had 5 hours of sleep last night and after helping her move i came home and packed boxes for a couple of hours. my house is starting to really look like a mess but at least i have an excuse!

backing up, i had to drag my son out of bed this morning to get him to his saturday detention. always a struggle. this phase my son is in is wearing on me and i'm actually looking forward to his departure for the summer. it has been a very long, very hard, very stressful school year. less than 3 months until school is out and he is off to alaska. i really need a break.

i struggled being motivated to work out today and with good reason after thinking what i did. so as of right now i have done nothing. i'm drinking coffee and getting ready to take shower #2 today to see if it won't wake me up. i probably just need to go to bed early and start tomorrow a new day. i'm suppose to be racing in the morning but at this point can't see that happening.

Friday, March 28, 2008

it's friday

friday's are great. although it does bring me to the weekend when i usually have a ton of stuff that i have to do that never gets done during the week. always busy.

i woke up to snow this morning and while most people were probably cursing under their breath, i was smiling and thinking i wonder if i can sneak in one more ski this weekend ... ???? i'm thinking yes!

my run last night was still a struggle. not sure what the issue is but i hope it goes away soon. have a low-key 5K to run sunday. only because one of my friends is the race director and need to support him.

off to the movies tonight and drinks with a friend. good times.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

my life today

my life today is good. i am finally over a nasty flu bug that really put a kink in my life for a bit. my tri training is better ... only doing "one a days" this week but that is better than not much of anything for almost 3 weeks. i don't need that in my training as i have way too much competition this year. first tri is less than 2 months away. i still need to take off some weight ... a few unwanted pounds that have taken up residency on my butt and thighs.

moving day is fast approaching and although the actual act of moving sucks, the fact that i am moving is awesome. this is going to be so much better for my life. just a few of the +'s ... close to work, close to the pool, close to my son's new school, close to campus, closer to almost everything i do. my son switching schools is going to be such a great thing and will probably relieve the biggest stress in my life. not to mention that i will save large amounts of money on gas and it will eliminate having to pay tuition for my son. i can't wait to decorate my new digs. i never wanted to do anything in the house i'm in now as it never felt like home. i have lived in this house for two years and there are no pictures on the wall. what does that say?

i'm getting contacts today. been wanting them for over a year and very excited about it! hmmm, i think i want ones that color my eyes ... maybe just a little more blue.